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Frankenstein's Fish are what fishery managers stock in rivers and lakes these days, complains Ted Williams in Audubon (September 1987). "Already Wisconsin and Michigan are dumping triploid [genetically altered] salmon into the Great Lakes. Normal, diploid chinooks--which don't belong in the lakes anyway and are disrupting the spawning of brown and rainbow trout (which also don't belong in the lakes)--are huge by any standard, sometimes growing to forty pounds, at which point they spawn and die. But the triploids, which don't spawn, may reach 100 pounds. With more time to soak up DDT and PCBs, they will be more safely stuffed for the wall than the oven."

The quarterback will drop back and hand off to the Chicago Community Trust. Chicago's community foundation has $200,000 to give away to organizations feeding the hungry in the city--its cut of the take from the Super Bowl Shuffle video and record. The money will not go to individuals and will not go for food, but only for capital expenses of local feeding agencies, such as trucks or meat grinders or, er, refrigerators. According to its press release, "The Trust staff has prepared a "Request for Proposals' document that explains the purpose, procedure, priority considerations, application, and review process that has been established." The money will be all shuffled off by November.

"Chicago was a port long before it was a city, long before it became the railhead, hog butcher, and forge and anvil of the nation," says Philip Elmes, president of the Chicago Maritime Society, outlining plans for a maritime museum on Navy Pier (Chicago Maritime News, Summer 1987). "Following the Civil War, Chicago shipped more lumber and grain than any port in the world and in 1882 had more ship clearings than the ports of New York, New Orleans, and San Francisco combined--26,000 arrivals and departures in a single year!"

"The frustrating thing about this business is that most customers feel good about our service but are still hostile toward the company," writes Commonwealth Edison Division Superintendent John Maxson of the Chicago-North Division in a July 23 letter to Dave Kraft of Nuclear Energy Information Service, reprinted in the NEIS News (August 1987). "I speak to thousands of people every year and virtually all admit that electricity is dependable and provides them with unprecedented levels of service (light, heat, clean clothes and dishes, entertainment, information, etc.) They even say that a typical bill (about $60.00 without air conditioning) is money well spent. They just don't like Commonwealth Edison."

Ralph Bellamy, Bruce Dern, Rock Hudson, Charlton Heston, Christie Hefner, Archibald MacLeish, Arthur Nielsen, Charles Percy, Ann Margret, and Don Rumsfeld are all celebrities whose names you're supposed to know. They also all attended New Trier High School in Winnetka, which tied South Philadelphia High School for the second most celebritous high school in the country, after Hollywood High. All this is according to free-lance writer Walter Day of Fairfield, Iowa, who must have some long dull afternoons to fill.

Dept. of unlikely survey results: Impact Resources reports that in Chicago, "Men 14-34 are more likely to buy a boat or RV than other consumers in the next year." Just as long as I'm not around when those 14-year-olds drive their RVs home.

And where would you rather live? "The Chicago industrial real estate market flourished in 1986, yielding its best market in the past 10 years," writes Coldwell Banker's Carl M. Manofsky in Commerce (July 1987). "Chicago was considered one of the three best industrial markets in the country, along with Los Angeles County and Northern New Jersey."

"Illinois once had a state mental health system that was respected nationally, but no more," says the Public Citizen Health Research Group, as quoted in the newsletter (Summer 1987) of the Counseling Center of Lake View on North Sheffield. "When the Illinois state mental health program is mentioned now, the words which usually follow are 'politics' and 'turmoil.' It shares honors with Texas as the most underfunded mental health system (38th in per capita expenditures yet the state is 9th in per capita income)."

Scrawl wars is the battle between graffiti taggers and merchants along 26th Street in Little Village, writes Antonio Zavala in Lawndale News (August 13, 1987). Walls cleaned up (at $50 a shot) sprout new scribbles overnight. But "on walls where there are murals in Little Village, Pilsen or Marshall Square, the 'taggers' respectfully keep their pens in their pockets and leave the walls alone. It is like that at a mural on Homan and 26th Street and at another at Marshall Square Blvd. and Cermak Rd."

"Sexy legs of many well-known Chicagoans" is a lead feature in Inside Chicago (September/October 1987). Or is that Inside (Male) Chicago? Man-watchers won't have much fun scoping Eleanor Mondale, Abra Prentice Wilkin, Holly Fulger, Barbara Burrell, Debra McMichael, Lynn Blades . . .

"The President said, 'A rising tide lifts all boats,'" Texas Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower told Chicago's Labor Coalition on Public Utilities (The Challenger, August 1987). "What Ronnie hasn't figured out is not all of us have boats."

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Carl Kock.

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