Shoot the Bull | Essay | Chicago Reader

Shoot the Bull 

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Guys, guys! Everyone knows Bulls general manager Jerry Krause is short, overweight, and loyal to his boss. Why won't you give it a rest?

Bernie Lincicome, Tribune.

Favorite Nickname: Crumbs.

Nickname II: Super clerk.

Fat Joke I: "The idea of either [Tim] Duncan and/or [Grant] Hill ever playing for the Bulls is as likely as Krause passing up a second cruller."

Fat Joke II: "Too bad the NBA does not have a tradition like the Masters of the displaced champion putting a fresh jacket on the new winner. Whoever it is would have to fit into a Jerry Krause garment, size 52 squat, crumbs no extra charge."

Fat Joke III: "As best as I can figure it, [Jordan's] job [with the Wizards] is to provide cachet, a little regarded basketball ingredient since it never in the history of hiring head clerks has been mentioned as much as it has been with Jordan. This I know about Jerry Krause. Whatever cachet Krause has blends in with the soup spots on his necktie."

Animal likeness: Benny the Bull.

Skip Bayless, Tribune.

Favorite Nickname: The Penguin.

Job Description: Reinsdorf's "longtime butt-kisser."

Barnyard Comparison: "A pig in slop."

He Doesn't Laugh: He "chortles."

Fat Joke: "Other GMs initially expected Krause--derisively nicknamed 'Crumbs' by Jordan--to eat up the new collective-bargaining agreement as if it were a sack of donuts."

Jay Mariotti, Sun-Times.

Favorite Nickname: Sleuth.

Nickname II: Frumpy.

Nickname III: Dumpy.

Job Description: "Glorified lackey."

Rick Telander, Sun-Times.

Favorite Nickname: Stump.

Nickname II: Jerry (Why Couldn't It Have Been Me Who Drafted Michael Jordan?) Krause.

Nickname III: The King's Fool.

He Doesn't Laugh: He's "cackling and jiggling like a business-suited, defiantly ecstatic Tweedledum."

Fat Joke: In the draft, Krause can take Richard Hamilton, "who is skinny but tough. And, of course, a guy can always gain weight. Right, Sleuth?"

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Mike Werner.

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