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Savage Love 

I'm a 19-year-old male with a 4.5-inch cock that hasn't grown since I was 12. My girlfriend says it doesn't penetrate deeply enough. I've already lost two girlfriends because they said the sex wasn't sensational enough. My doctor says I could have surgery, but my girlfriend says I should take pills. I would go with my doctor, but I don't want to have them fuck up my cock. --Cock Ain't Penetrating

"I'm not sure how CAP is measuring," says Alice Dreger, a faculty member of the Medical Humanities and Bioethics program at Northwestern University's Feinberg School of Medicine. "Flaccid unstretched, flaccid stretched, sort of turned on, way turned on--all this matters in regards to length when you go to look at available stats."

Dreger has worked as a patient advocate for people born with "different-than-average sex anatomies" for more than a decade. She took a spin as a guest expert in this space a few months ago, and her advice for women with big clits was so good that I invited her back to offer some advice for men with small dicks. Dreger in turn invited a couple of additional guest experts to weigh in.

"Assuming CAP is telling us that the biggest he gets is 4.5 inches," says Dreger, "his penis is 'totally within the range of normal,' according to Dr. Kevin McVary, professor of urology at Northwestern." So if your dick is in the normal range, CAP, why are girlfriends, docs, and spammers pushing surgery and pills on you?

"There are plenty of doctors and Internet charlatans who will be happy to offer CAP 'enhancements,' including a variety of surgeries," says Dreger. But none of them really works. "When challenged to present outcomes publicly in international research forums--any type of objective outcome--these purveyors come up empty-handed," says Dr. McVary. "They have never shown a benefit to

a patient."

What's more, surveys of men who have had these surgeries show that most aren't happy with the results. How unhappy are some guys? Earlier this year, a 25-year-old man pleaded guilty to mailing a bomb to the Chicago surgeon who botched his penile enlargement surgery. I'm not going to compound this poor guy's misery by mentioning his name, but my inner 12-year-old obligates me to mention this detail: the bomb was mailed from Reamstown, Pennsylvania.

Just in case two guest experts and an angry mail bomber aren't enough to convince you that surgery is a dumb choice, CAP, Dreger lined up a third expert.

"It is foolish, risky surgery," says Dr. Justine Schober, urologist at Hamot Medical Center in Erie, Pennsylvania. "The same holds true for pills that supposedly increase length: useless at best, risky at worst."

If surgery is foolish and pills are useless, what can you do? "CAP could try positions that let him get in deeper," says Dreyer. "Or, better yet, he could take the time to figure out where his girlfriend's 'sweet spots' are, because, according to the sexology literature, length matters less than location. He could also be more creative and use techniques in addition to penis-vagina intercourse."

So retool your grind rather than cut up your meat, CAP. You also need to stop viewing your dick as somehow fatal to your romantic prospects.

"Dr. Schober did a study of guys who had penises small enough to be described as 'micropenises,'" Dreger continues. "This study found that they tend to have 'close and long-lasting relationships' with women." Dr. Schober adds, "They often attribute their partners' sexual satisfaction...to their need to make extra effort, including nonpenetrating techniques." One of the microdicked men in Dr. Schober's study had a wife and a mistress. "So much for the theory that having a small member won't let you keep a woman," says Dreger.

I met a kind, funny, attractive man. The problem is his penis is pretty small. I spent the past two years with a well-endowed ex, and it's hard to be satisfied now that I'm not being filled up. How do I broach the subject of using toys without hurting his feelings? I want to bring my silicone friends into the bedroom! --Canadian Craving More Cock

I wouldn't advise you to pull open a junk drawer full of dick-shaped silicone friends, CCMC, as that will prompt your boyfriend to draw immediate and unflattering comparisons to his own junk. Instead, take a hard look at some of your boyfriend's other body parts. He may not be able to give you that filled-up feeling with his dick, but I'll bet he could with one or both of his forearms. (And, hey, most men have feet that are at least 10 inches long.) Done correctly--lots of lube, lots of time--fisting won't hurt you. Done incorrectly--too little lube, too little time--and fisting could land you in the hospital, at the morgue, or on the Drudge Report. While there's tons of good info on the Web about vaginal fisting (gotta love that vaginal-fisting entry on Wikipedia), I urge wannabe fisters to invest in a copy of A Hand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting by

Deborah Addington.

Oh, and those watches and wedding bands, beginning fisters? Remove 'em or lose 'em.

There's tons of advice from Savage Love readers for AWOL, the macro-dicked reader with problems of his own, at thestranger.com/savage/macrodick.

A new Savage Love podcast is available for download every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage. If you'd like to record a question for a future podcast--can't do 'em without your help!--call 206-201-2720.

Send questions to mail@savagelove.net. © 2006 Dan Savage

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