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Hey, Faggot:

Loved the "Clit Notes" column. I have a few suggestions for women "coming out" into better sex now that their boyfriends have read your column:

1. It's not dirty to touch yoursef In fact, men worth knowing grow increasingly hard when a woman places her hand on herself. Why do you think there's so much female masturbation in straight porn?

2. As Dan notes, God played a mean trick an positioned our clits outside and not inside where it could have received stimulation from the thrusting. So while your BF is thrusting, take your fingers and push your clit down against his shaft. His in-and-out will be your pleasure too!

3. Ask your BF to enter you high--that is, position himself so his crotch is high up on yours. When he enters, he'll go deep and perhaps catch your clit in the tight angle formed between his penetrating dick and firm torso. You'll get all the pressure you need--plus rocking and manipulation and presto: intercourse might work to make your climax happen, pleasing both your breeder boy and you.

4. Get on top. Intercourse in this position nearly always produces a climax. Granted, you won't whip in and out as fast as he needs for him to come, but you go first slow and steady--you control the action, and remember to squeeze your Kegel muscles, which feels good to him but also makes your clit "erect" and firm, adding to its stimulation. After you-'ve had 10 or 20 or so orgasms, let him take over the speed and let him enjoy his big O too.

The greatest thing, Dan, about your column is now that you've explained so wonderfully how all men can be great clit lovers, they all will be, and we will stop falling so hard or the very few guys out there who can give us orgasms. With more men capable of giving us O's, we'll be free to look for a few other qualities important to a relationship and friendship. Thanks!

-Roberta

Hey, R:

You're welcome, girlfriend. I heartily endorse all your suggestions, though I heard that number three can lead to urinary tract infections in some women, so proceed with caution.

I would like to add just one more to your list though: never, ever, under any circumstances, ladies, fake an orgasm. If not for your own sake, then for the sake of all the women who'll come (or not come) after you. The boyfriend or husband you humor with fake O's today may be some other woman's boyfriend or husband tomorrow. He's only yours indefinitely. When he lands in between another woman's legs, make sure you've done your part for sisterhood--which is powerful, you know--by not giving him a false impression of his own meager skills, or false expectations about women's sexual response.

Think of men and boys as horses: you need to break your lover in, not just for yourself, but for all the women who may ride him after you. Lead him to your clitoris and make him drink.

For another very good reason why you should never fake an orgasm, check out the last letter in this week's column.

Hey, Faggot:

I'm a 32-year-old breeder in loooove! My hunbun and I have been together for 2.5 years, and six months ago, we bought a cute house together. My question is, how can I be in love with is man and not be able to have an orgasm without my own hand masturbating my clitoris? Though we can both have the most outright fantastic orgams, I want to experience ecstasy without sticking my fingers between our slapping bodies and giving my clit a whirl.

It's not that he doesn't know how to be sensual either, but I'm wondering if I need more foreplay or what. I'm looking for info, information, advice, etc, on how to be more aware and in tune sexually.- -Lady in Love

Hey, LIL:

You know, I'm often criticized for being too hard on straight boys in my column. One case in point might be the comment I made to the boy who wrote in asking why his current GF couldn't climax from intercourse alone. I slammed him for not having bothered to educate himself about women's bodies and women's orgasms before he started fucking women.

Well, just to prove that I'm an equal-opportunity grouch: How did you get to be a 32-year-old home owner without bothering to educate yourself about your own body and your own orgasms? In your favor, at least you're having them. To your lasting shame, you don't seem to know why or how. You need the extra clit-a-whirl for the same reason 7 out of 10 other women do: in order to climax. Duh.

Hey, Faggot:

I am 19-year-old female and I have been with my present boyfriend for about

six months. I lost my virginity to him three months ago and have remained sexually active since. The problem? My dear sweet, beautiful boy has no clue that I have yet to experience an orgasm with him.

I have been masturbating since early adolescence nce and can make myself come within minutes. I have fallen into the "faking" rut--I know that this is cruel, but he would be crushed if he knew the truth. It's not like I don't get any pleasure from the deed, because I do honestly enjoy it. Lately, though, after he orgasms, I have no desire to continue. I pretty much figure this is due to my not wanting to continue the acting bit any further. We have sex frequently and have tried various positions, but still no climax for me. Am I wrong to assume I will never come from intercourse? Is it possible to have "trained" myself into only climaxing during masturbation? --Thanks

Hey, T:

What is it our Sunday school teachers told us about lying? Not only is it a sin, but on one lie leads to another, and another, and another. Those faked orgasms are lies you're telling the BF and each lie necessitates the telling of yet another lie, since if what he's doing tonight made you come this morning, and the night before that, and the afternoon before that, and the morning before that (oh, to be 19 again), then he's expecting it to make you come tonight. You, aware of his expectations--expectations you created--feel compelled to oblige him with yet another command-performance climax. And on you go, faking and faking, digging yourself in deeper and deeper and deeper. And to make matters worse, the lie you're telling, ostensibly to spare his feelings, is resulting in orgasmless sex for you, with a subsequent drop-off in desire on your part, making your sex life a guilt-ridden, tedious chore! STOP THE INSANITY!!!

Either tell him you've been faking, or tell him another, lesser, lie: suddenly and mysteriously, go all nonorgasmic. Whatever he's been doing that you've been pretending makes you come suddenly doesn't make you come anymore. Shrug your shoulder and tell him it it's hormonal (guys fall for that), and don't fake any more orgasms. Make him earn your orgasms!

Being a regular reader, you doubtless read my recent column about how most women require additional stimulation to achieve orgasm during intercourse, so now you know there's nothing wrong with you for not climaxing from intercourse alone. Since you can come when you masturbate, there's no reason you shouldn't be able to come with your boyfriend.

Go forth, my child, and fake no more!

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