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Where have all the flowers gone?

Not through this E-tailer.

Now the only scent it knows

Is the floral musk of failure. 11/7/00 6/13/00 11/9/00 11/7/00

With coupons and sock puppets, Super Bowl ads,

Our pets they tried to wow.

They only forgot one immutable fact:

Rover wants it NOW. 10/24/00

Putting the "e" into "Laz-E,"

These errand boys worked round the clock.

Turned out the only real lackeys

Were those who got paid in stock. 10/5/00

Web-based market research?

An idea consigned best to scorn.

When all that you need to get data

Is to launch a site offering porn. 10/5/00

Another place to bitch and moan,

Just what the menfolk need.

But seems the angry demo here

Would rather rant than read. 10/30/00

From spoken word to books on tape,

From magazine to raps.

For now, though, just descriptions

Of a bugler playing taps. 10/6/00

Tomorrow's aggregator,

Financial info source,

Today a Wells Fargo wagoneer

Who had to eat his horse. 5/15/00

The last time cows and fire

Had a synergy so bleary

Was in 1871

In the yard of Kate O'Leary. 10/11/00

"Pan-European Music"

Was their product, so we heard.

Our only lack of interest?

In the second word, and third. 9/11/00

This beauty site went under;

Its business plan went moot.

Perhaps because it sounds like

A bushman's favorite fruit. 6/12/00

Attaching ads to E-mails --

The premise sounded funky.

Too bad the name suggested something

Started by a monkey. 5/19/00

They told you when the IPOs

Could make you filthy rich.

The irony was richer when

"No payback" was the bitch. 7/14/00

Some start-ups have bad timing.

Some simply have bad luck.

Some fail because you can't go on-line

When you're driving a friggin' truck. 10/31/00

A good idea on paper

That couldn't hack the game:

The more it tried to broker,

The broker it became.


This high-end merchant took a dive,

Perhaps 'cause we mistook

Its misleading URL

For a William Bennett book.


The vulture of the dotcom dead,

It didn't crack so wise

When the superhighway made of it

A morning snack for flies. 10/3/00

A site designed for teenage girls:

The boldest of endeavors.

But no match for the mighty force

Of millions of "Whatevers."

Art accompanying story in printed newspaper (not available in this archive): illustration/Kurt Mitchell.

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