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Tuesday, March 23, 12:30 AM

Dispatcher: How about startin' the day at a criminal trespass in progress, 2226 Western, 2226 South on Western at the Fun Wash? Male went to sleep in the laundromat, refusin' to leave.

1034: Musta ran outta quarters.

Dispatcher: 1024, 1024, how about a parker on your beat--24-- Saint Louis, so your stats can get up there? Streets and San needs to work on a hydrant, there's a car blockin' it.

1024: That's a big job, Big Joe.

Dispatcher: Your partner put me up to it.

1024: Hey Big Joe, are you parked on the street or are you parked in the lot over there?

Dispatcher: In the lot.

1024: Yeah, well, all of a sudden you're parked on the street. Parked where my ticket book says you are.

Dispatcher: OK, 1111, how about an injury-to-persons report, 44-- W. Rice, on the street? Got a J---- complaining, states she was walking, fell into a hole near the curb. She'll be waitin' there.

1111: Not in 11.

Unidentified Caller: Maybe she meant she found a ho near the curb?

Unidentified Caller number two: There's ho's in 11?

Sunday, April 4, 1:20 AM

Dispatcher: We're getting criminal damage to property in progress, 21-- N. Laramie. Got two tickets says two to three carloads of people breakin' the windows in that area, caller stated they were gang members, no further, 25th District, zone 12. 2515?

2515: That's on our beat, so I guess we'll take it.

Dispatcher: Ten-four. OK, one of the tickets, 2515, says that at 21-- N. Laramie they broke out the windows of that house, no description of the offenders. 2522?

2522: 22?

Dispatcher: Disregard. 2515, for information now. 2515, now we're getting shots fired, shots fired over at Laramie and Palmer, Palmer and Laramie, caller stated it's a third-party call, shots were fired there, three houses from the corner, caller thinks. OK, and 2515, now we're getting at 21-- N. Laramie a domestic, neighbors saying a couple are fighting and arguing.

2515: All right, no need to tell us any more. We'll go there and figure out what's up.

Dispatcher: You got your pick: criminal damage, shots fired, or domestic.

2515: We'll take 'em all.

Unidentified caller: Or total BS.

Unidentified caller number two: That's a good one.

Sunday, April 4, 1:40 AM

Dispatcher: 21? How about a missing persons, 16-- South on Homan? Yeah, they're callin' back for whatever reason.

1021: 'Cause they're drunk, inbred hillbilly bastards.

Dispatcher: 19-Paul?

1021: We just took their report.

Dispatcher: Ten-four.

Unidentified caller: "Homan Hillbillies"?

Unidentified caller number two: Hey, I don't live on Homan!

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