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Wednesday, January 10, 1:30 am

DISPATCHER: 2531, handle a battery that just occurred. Husband is beating the wife with a golf club.

2531: Husband's beating the wife with a golf club?

DISPATCHER: That's what it states on the ticket.

2531: ten-four.

ANONYMOUS CALLER: Beating the wedge with an iron.

Friday January 12, 1:00 pm

ANOTHER ANONYMOUS CALLER: No putt intended.

YET ANOTHER ANONYMOUS CALLER: Hey, the guy was just teed off.

FINAL ANONYMOUS CALLER: [Groans.]

Friday, January 12, 1:00 pm

DISPATCHER: On that bank robber, was the mustache and goatee, was it, uh, pronounced, pencil thin, or...

2330: I'll get that for you, squad. Also, did you guys get an ETA on the FBI?

DISPATCHER: No, but if you want one, we'll ask.

DISPATCHER(seconds later): The FBI has been notified, they're on their way. And could you ask 2343 to call the first deputy's office?

2330: Will do! Did the FBI say how long it was gonna take 'em?

DISPATCHER: Couldn't get more specific, but they're notified and on the way.

2330: OK.

ANONYMOUS CALLER: Too busy with the aldermen right now.

ANOTHER ANONYMOUS CALLER: And they're gonna be a lot busier.

Tuesday, January 16, 10:05 am

Dispatcher: When you're done with that burglary report, they want you to go in and see neighborhood relations. Sergeant's in there.

2032: So after this job I'm supposed to go in and have relations with the sergeant?

DISPATCHER: I guess, if you want.

2032: It's the 90s.

Tuesday, January 16, 10:45 am

DISPATCHER: 2033, 2-0-3-3.

2033: 33.

DISPATCHER: 1116 Argyle, at the Apollo Restaurant, at the Apollo. Male black who's been asleep in the restaurant, he's causing a disturbance. Somebody woke him up. This is live at the Apollo!

2069: 2069 Charlie. We'll go over by the Apollo, squad, and do our stand-up routine.

DISPATCHER: That sounds like a good idea.

2044: Squad, 2044 is on their way over there as well, so give the other car a disregard.

DISPATCHER: OK, 2033, take a disregard. Everybody wants to do their own routine.

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