Peoples Energy | Essay | Chicago Reader

Peoples Energy 

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Dear Valued Customer:

Peoples Energy understands that recent pricing strategies have made it difficult for some customers to direct their resources effectively toward their gas bills. While most people know that Peoples Energy is a for-profit company, we like to think that we're a "for people" company as well. Please take a couple of minutes to fill out the following satisfaction survey so we may use your responses to serve you better.

1. a. After a long winter of forgiveness and tolerance, the only way Peoples Energy can uphold its 150-year-old tradition of providing safe, reliable services is through the efficient collection of floating capital. Now that it's time for you to settle those deferred payments, how many times have we threatened to turn off your gas in the past two weeks?

( ) 0

( ) 1

( ) 2

( ) 3

( ) 4

( ) 5 or more

b. How satisfied are you with this number of threats?

( ) Extremely Satisfied

( ) Somewhat Satisfied

( ) Somewhat Unsatisfied

( ) Extremely Unsatisfied

2. a. Despite the failure of thousands of customers to pay Peoples Energy for supplying them with the natural gas necessary for heating and cooking over the long cold winter, how many times did we threaten to turn off the gas in your home, leaving you to the elements?

( ) 0

( ) Zero

( ) Nada

( ) Zilch

b. How satisfied were you with this number of threats?

( ) Satisfied

( ) Well Satisified

( ) Extremely Satisfied

( ) Completely Satisfied

( ) So Completely Satisfied I Could Hug Myself

c. If only "Satisfied" in Q.2.b.: Are you

( ) An Ingrate

( ) A Chronic Malcontent

( ) Frank Thomas

3. a. Have you tried everything possible to settle your debt with Peoples Energy?

( ) Yes

( ) No

If Yes, continue to Q.3.b. If No, skip to Q.3.c.

b. Have you tried

( ) Yard sale?

( ) Lotto?

( ) Prostitution?

( ) Live organ donation?

( ) Auctioning of ovum?

c. We didn't think so.

4. Which of the following methods do you think would be most effective in getting you to pay your overdue bill?

( ) Discontinuation of service

( ) Unexplained calls and hang-ups

( ) Threatening to reveal the fictitious nature of Santa Claus/Easter Bunny/Sammy Sosa to your small children

( ) Visit from thick-necked gentleman speaking vaguely of "accidents"

( ) Calls to our friends at Ameritech, Com Ed, and the IRS

Peoples Energy thanks you for your time in answering our customer survey. Remember, no matter where you go, no matter what you do, we will find you, oh yes, we will find you if it is the last thing we do.

Dick Terry

Chairman and Chief Executive Officer

Peoples Energy

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