Onanist Ode | Letters | Chicago Reader

Onanist Ode 

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Dear Sir [Dennis Rodkin],

You are to be congratulated that your descent into the scatological (Rick Gellert and his amazing masturbation machine) did not exploit the vulgar, but emphasized the more humorous aspects of this invention ["Stroke of Genius," November 4].

Discussions of such contraptions usually bring to mind schoolboy limericks or rugby songs celebrating the inventors of these devices, explaining their workings, but frequently ending in gory disaster for the hapless user.

In the spirit of this long tradition, I humbly submit the following in honor of Mr. Gellert's invention:

An onanist name of Rick

Who was tired of stroking his prick

Had a visionary dream

of a jerking machine

which certainly did do the trick.

I felt that since the Venus II has been such a runaway commercial success, it would seem only reasonable to have a happy ending in this case.

Colin R. Sharpe

South Elgin

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