Night Spies | Night Spies | Chicago Reader

Night Spies 

We are at the Turkish Cuisine and Bakery.

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Continued from last week . . .

This is the second part of the story I've been telling friends here at dinner. I'm in Belize, covered in stinky monkey doo-doo, standing by a bus stop, and a guy has a machete held up to my neck. He wants money. I told him I didn't have any, so he started patting me down and I had like $3. I asked him to leave me bus fare, 'cause it was 35 miles to my hotel. "You can walk," he said, then asked for my jewelry. All I had was a Mickey Mouse watch. I held out the watch and he put the machete in between his knees in order to take it. He looked at it, said, "Cheap," and threw Mickey on the ground, which made me very angry--it wasn't a cheap watch. Then he wanted my camera, which was in a case hanging around my neck. As I took it off I swung it and hit him in the head. It caught him in the temple and knocked him out. I picked up the machete and stuck it in my backpack, put Mickey back on my wrist, and flagged down the bus that was coming. When the bus driver looked at the guy on the ground I told him, "Just keep going." Everybody on the bus moved to the front, and he made me sit in the back. The moral here is: don't mess with a woman covered in stinky monkey doo-doo!

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