Night Spies | Night Spies | Chicago Reader

Night Spies 

We are at Cafe Matou.

Sign up for our newsletters Subscribe

The phone rang late one night. A young lady said she would like to order two egg rolls. "I'm sorry, ma'am," I said. "This is a French restaurant." She then ordered two croissants and one French roll. I told her our kitchen had already closed, and she asked to speak to Elton. I informed her that there was no Elton at this location. "Oh no, you must be joking with me. Let me talk with Elton right now," she insisted. I said, "Sorry, no Elton here." She then asked for the restaurant's address, and when I gave it to her she informed me that if I did not stop joking around she was going to come over and cut me up. Next she asked for my name, which I gave her, and the restaurant's phone number. When I gave her that she said, "Well, that's not the number I dialed. If you don't stop joking with me I will really cut you up bad." I was determined to be as polite as possible, but I'm only human after all. At that point I had just had enough. I said, "Please feel free to come over and cut me up, but that will not help you find Elton--and I guess I need not remind you that drugs are a terrible thing to waste. Good-bye!"

--Virgil Gibson, restaurant manager


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Stephen Gruhn

  • Night Spies

    This week at: Jake's Pub
    • Dec 30, 2004
  • Night Spies

    This week at: The Edgewater Lounge
    • Dec 23, 2004
  • Night Spies

    This Week at: Laschet's Inn
    • Dec 16, 2004
  • More »

More by Richard Knight Jr.

  • The R-Rated Momoir

    An Annoyance alum gives the genre a raunchy tweak.
    • Sep 28, 2006
  • Oral (and Anal) History

    Owen Keehnen's been writing "beat-off stories" for two decades, but his latest project is letting gay porn stars tell theirs.
    • Jun 1, 2006
  • Aloha, Pigface

    How James Teitelbaum grew a tiki cottage industry on Martin Atkins's dime.
    • Apr 14, 2005
  • More »

Agenda Teaser

Bossa IV (DJ set) Sleeping Village
October 13
Pharmakon, Bloodyminded, Itsï Co-Prosperity Sphere
October 13

Tabbed Event Search

Popular Stories