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Night Spies 

We are at Wicker Park.

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I had my nephew Jason with me one early evening here. He's from the suburbs. We came here to play basketball. All of a sudden we saw this big thing out of the corner of our eyes--it looked like a fountain. Then we both took a second look. It was a lady totally bent over relieving herself with her head between her legs. You couldn't even tell what it was--it was like projectile stuff. When she got up we could see that it was a middle-aged black lady. She had green pants on and a pink shirt and a big Newport cigarettes hat--one of those promotional things. It was fluorescent green. Everybody stopped and stared at her. She just pulled up her pants and casually walked away. Every time Jason hangs out with me in the city something odd happens. One time I took him for a bike ride to Tower Records, and his bike was stolen when we came out. Then I took him out for Thai food--to this place that everyone in my family loves--but he got sick. Needless to say, my nephew is not running to hang out with me again.

--Sam Davis, campus recruiter

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