Night Spies | Night Spies | Chicago Reader

Night Spies 

We are at Duke of Perth.

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We come here after work and trade stories. It's very quaint and cozy. One night I recounted this tale, which everyone seems to think is a Seinfeld episode. I was on the way to a relative's funeral and very unsure of where I was going, so I pulled into the right lane, which was closed for construction, to look at the map. I pulled forward just a tiny little bit so I could look to the left to pull back into traffic. I couldn't have been going more than .025 miles an hour, if that, when I felt a collision. I saw that I'd hit a hearse, and then I saw that the name on the hearse was the name of the funeral home where I'd been the evening before for the wake. I realized I'd actually hit the hearse that was on its way to the church where I was going! I also knew everyone in the following 10 to 12 cars. The traffic stopped, and both men in the hearse got out to talk to me. I felt horrible--I could see all my family members sitting in their cars, waiting to get to the church.

--Gretchen Hoffman, art director

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