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Night Spies 

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I play pool here and hang out with my friends. Some of my favorite come-on lines have happened here. Somebody once told my friend that she was like the prow of a mighty ship. I once had a schizophrenic guy tell me that every time he looked at me he fell into a trance. There was the guy who said, "I'm sorry, but if you ever marry anybody else but me I'm going to have to kill myself," and I looked at him and said, "And me without my knife." I'm really tall--over six-one and I usually wear heels. I forever get men saying, "Do you play basketball?" "Do you play volleyball?" "Wow, you're a tall drink of water," or something terse like "Wow, nice tits, gee you're tall." Needless to say, this is not an effective tactic. One night this man managed to get all these offensive things out in one breath and then finished off by saying, "You're like a mountain." I was so flummoxed I couldn't come up with anything pithy. I just patted him on the head and walked away. My friend Tammy walked over and explained to him very carefully and deliberately that if he wants to take somebody home, it's probably not the best idea to compare them to a geographical landmass.

--Louisa Heinrich, digital strategist


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