Caught in the Net | Caught in the Net | Chicago Reader

Caught in the Net 

Sign up for our newsletters Subscribe

Captured on E-mail

Subject: City College of San Francisco math placement test

1. Gretchen and Jane were given a rottweiler at their commitment ceremony. If their dog needs to be walked two miles a day and they walk at a rate of 3/4 mile per hour, how much time will they spend discussing their relationship in public?

2. Michael has two abusive stepfathers and an alcoholic mother. If his self-esteem is reduced by 20 percent per dysfunctional parent, but Michael feels 3 percent better for every person he denigrates, how long will it take before he's ready to go home if one person walks by the cafe every two minutes?

3. Sanjeev has seven piercings. If the likelihood of getting cellulitis on a given day is 10 percent per piercing, what is the likelihood Sanjeev will need to renew his erythromycin prescription during the next week?

4. Chad wants to take half a pound of heroin to Orinda and sell it at a 20 percent profit. If it originally cost him $1,500 in food stamps, for what amount should Janet write the check?

5. The city and county of San Francisco decide to destroy 50 rats infesting downtown. If 9,800 animal rights activists hold a candlelight vigil, how many people did each dead rat empower?

6. A red sock, a yellow sock, a blue sock, and a white sock are tossed randomly in a drawer. What is the likelihood that the first two socks drawn will be socks of color?

7. George weighs 245 pounds and drinks two triple lattes every morning. If each shot of espresso contains 490 milligrams of caffeine, what is George's average caffeine density in milligrams per pound?

8. There are 4,500 homes in Mill Valley, and all of them recycle plastic. If each household recycles ten soda bottles a day and buys one Polarfleece pullover per month, does Mill Valley have a monthly plastic surplus or deficit? Bonus question: Assuming all the plastic bottles are one liter, how much Evian are they drinking?

9. If the average person can eat one pork pot sticker in 30 seconds, and the waitress brings a platter of 12 pot stickers, how long will it take five vegans not to eat them?

10. Todd begins walking down Market Street with 12 $1 bills in his wallet. If he always gives panhandlers a single buck, how many legs did he have to step over if he has $3 left when he reaches the other end and met only one double amputee?

Advanced Placement students only:

11. Katie, Trip, Ling, John-John, and Effie share a three-bedroom apartment on Guerrero for $2,400 a month. Effie and Trip can share one bedroom, but the other three need their own rooms with separate ISDN lines to run their Web servers. None of them wants to use the futon in the living room as a bed, and they each want to save $650 in three months to attend the Lilith Fair. What is their best option?

a. All five roommates accept a $12-an-hour job-share as handgun monitors at Mission High School.

b. Ask Miles, the bisexual auto mechanic, to share Effie and Trip's bedroom for $500 a month.

c. Petition the board of supervisors to advance Ling her annual digital-artists-of-color stipend.

d. Rent strike.

Caught in the Net welcomes interesting flotsam culled by its readers. Send E-mail to netfishing@chicagoreader.com. There's a T-shirt in it for you if we print it.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Agenda Teaser

Performing Arts
The Best of Enemies Open Door Repertory Company
September 20
Performing Arts
Cabaret Chief O'Neill's
October 06

Tabbed Event Search

Popular Stories