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Buy Now, Pray Later 

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The Reverend Jerry Falwell asked everyone to write down the names of the products advertised during Ellen's coming-out episode so we can shower their makers with hate mail and boycott their products. But wait--you couldn't write that fast? Or you live in Birmingham, Alabama, where the ABC affiliate refused to air the show? Or you couldn't bring yourself to watch Ellen because, as Reverend Falwell said without having seen it either, "You don't have to take the cap off a sewer to know it stinks."

Or maybe, if you defy biblical verses condemning homosexuality, you'd prefer to clip this handy list and use it to patronize companies whose owners are going to hell just as surely as you are! --Cate Plys

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

Breakdown

Burlington Coat Factory

Calvin Klein's CK cologne

Chevy Blazer

Father's Day

Femstat 3

The Fifth Element

The Gap

HBO

Home Access HIV test

Listerine

The Lost World

My Best Friend's Wedding

Neosporin

One-A-Day

Slim-Fast

Speed 2: Cruise Control

Sudafed

Trial and Error

Trident gum

Volkswagen

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