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Another Hack Memoirist 

Dahmer's Dad Tells All

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Lionel Dahmer, father of Jeffrey, whose exploits need no review here, has decided to set aside his chemistry career in order to become just what America needs, another hack memoirist (no pun intended).

Going for the gold before another serial killer horns in on the lucrative limelight, Dahmer pere has signed a contract with William Morrow to pen a tell-all tome on what it's like to raise a monster.

The book proposal, which circulated among publishers earlier in the year and was excerpted recently in Spy, was nearly as bloodcurdling as the acts of Dahmer fils--at least Jeff didn't intentionally go public with his tale.

"Which is my son?" Lionel lamented in his proposal. "The gentle, insecure boy/man who used to go with me every Saturday morning for a cherry cream soda? Or the twisted killer that has taken his place among the ranks of history's most aberrant serial killers?"

You be the judge. For only $24.95 plus tax.

One won't know until the book is published--followed, of course, by the inevitable TV movie (if only they could find a part for Valerie Bertinelli!)--if Lionel Dahmer accepts any blame for how his son turned out.

Until then, we can only marvel as another member of the Dahmer clan manages to expand the meaning of the word "cannibal."

Bon appetit, Lionel. See you at B Dalton.

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