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Re: “‘Help, I’m afraid my disgusting adult baby husband may choose his diapers over me!’

MADDL,
To start out, I'm a Psychologist who specializes in marriage crisis counseling, so please take what I'm about to say in that context.

Unfortunately I must take umbrage to the almost tortuous situation you're placing your husband in. Whilst I'm sure you feel a degree of embarrassment concerning the subject, this conflict is likely dominating his thoughts constantly, and being forced to chose between two things he loves in such an adversarial manner could lead to stress, anxiety and even permanent mental illness.

You went into this marriage with your eyes wide open, and even the most rudimentary amount of online research concerning fetishistic desires shows that if they develop in per-pubescence, their minds are basically hard-wired for this desire, and quite often they already hate themselves for having them, yet cannot get rid of these desires.

Also imagine growing up in a world prior to the Internet, where he probably felt as if he was the only person in the world who felt this way, and therefore must be "crazy." Believe me, he has probably tried to suppress these desires to the best of his ability long before he even met you. Unfortunately, clinical trials have shown that in the vast majority of cases, it cannot be suppressed (even with psychiatric drugs - and attempting to do so by force, will leave your husband with an ever building desire for what is now forbidden to him, and likely lead to a strong sense of resentment towards you personally).

Furthermore, this was something that previously remained within the confines of your home, and a matter solely between the two of you, and was never aired in public. By involving his mother, you may have caused irreparable damage to their relationship as well as your own.

I really feel that you should be far more conciliatory, supportive and loving of your husband, for what is genuinely a mental health issue, especially since you are concerned that "he'll chose diapers over you." So you obviously want him to chose you. However if you honestly found his fetish to be that "disgusting", I venture a guess you would have separated when you first found out that he was pursuing this interest again.

Remember, he did not make that ultimatum "your diapers or me" you did!

Do you love him? are there unique qualities of attraction which bring you joy, security, unity and harmony?

Just because society shuns this practice, can you articulate what you personally find morally, hygienically, legally or otherwise "wrong" with this practice when conducted in private. I'm certain he would like you to participate, however I'd imagine that when he married you, he was well aware that this would not eventuate. He likely hoped that marrying you would suppress these desires to a level where they could be cognitively controlled, and he would not need to physically practice them.

Please exercise some compassion and come to some sort of compromise. I would recommend seeking counseling from a qualified psychologist (or other mental health professional) as soon as is possible, and if he refuses to attend, perhaps coax him with a "reward" of sorts. Maybe some guilt-free time, alone with his diapers.

Posted by Dr. R. Wynne on 05/21/2019 at 7:51 PM

Re: “Plugging into Chicago’s forgotten house venues

Honored to be mentioned and privileged to have been a part of the early days in the House music scene, of which there were many micro scenes contributing to one greater dance!

2 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by DCfusion on 05/21/2019 at 7:25 PM

Re: “Race to the bottom

I thought the great debate was worst columnist in Chicago: Ben or Kass.

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by JJ on 05/21/2019 at 7:24 PM

Re: “What’s wrong with putting the rich in charge?

The Author/Speaker of winner takes all is spot on. Until I read this I could not put my finger on it, I watch commercials or shop and everything is trying to sell you a feel good. Its all BS and it is a way to take from everyone while we are not looking. I can't tell you how many buzzwords are in commercials or on ads somewhere. But a lot of people fall for it, just look at all the hipster trash walking around sucking this kind of BS up like its a Lagunitas. I am making plans to read this book.

Posted by Michael Stone on 05/21/2019 at 2:36 PM

Re: “Race to the bottom

Another great article by Ben. I would say Daley was worse, he privatized the meters and brought the red light scameras to Chicago where they have proliferated like mold on bread. Daley spent a billion on millennium park that is mostly for tourists. Rahm was a dick and that was made him seem worse than Daley. If I chose to say, Daley is worse than Rahm because he began the idea of screwing over the middle and working class and Rahm just followed his lead. In that respect Richie was a true trailblazing crooked arsehole.

1 like, 2 dislikes
Posted by Michael Stone on 05/21/2019 at 2:23 PM

Re: “Pangea has taken thousands to eviction court. The story of an apartment empire

Simultaneously awed by the depth of reporting and the depth of depravity in these comments. We must struggle to keep our communities together and Pangea is clearly determined to rip them apart.

2 likes, 3 dislikes
Posted by Bolivar on 05/21/2019 at 11:50 AM

Re: “Race to the bottom

Lori will make both crooked Rahm and crooked Daley look like saints compared to her commie, progressive, cop hating uneducated staff of those pandering to the permanent victim class.

1 like, 1 dislike
Posted by Indictrahm on 05/21/2019 at 11:44 AM

Re: “Avant-pop songwriter Mary Ocher leads a blindfolded adventure on The West Against the People

Vile and artificial...as she laments with Distain for the West, but has no problem coming here performing and taking their money. Stasi child...stay home and perform in Berlin and Moscow and feel the sting of your imaginitive oppression there.

Posted by Heather Murray on 05/21/2019 at 9:48 AM

Re: “The Clutch of Fear

A black man moved across the street from me and I'm afraid for my life because I am a black woman. I know my white neighbors are protected because they have a police system in place for them and families. They dont care about me. I am a sitting duck for when he decide to not have any boundaries. He has already started playing loud music and up at night with people at his house being loud on a school night. I know the neighbors kids can hear it and the elderly man next to him can. My daughter is away at college and I feel i will have to move before the neighborhood gets bad and everyone eles start selling their house. White flight is not simply racism. It's safety. Especially for me. As a black woman I know and understand from society that I am "the most neglected, disrespected and unprotected woman in America" as written by Malcolm X in the 1960s but not by white people. It's so unfair.

Posted by JC Bunch on 05/21/2019 at 8:52 AM

Re: “Movie Tuesday: Gotta move!

I am guarded in lauding any of the contemporary high-energy action movies in terms of choreography, because so much of their visual effect might be engendered through computer-generated imagery (CGI). I don't know enough about any specific title in this category (this being a genre that doesn't generally appeal to me) to opine one way or another, so I'll defer to Mr. Sachs' authority in regard to the 'John Wick' franchise.

The subject of cinematic choreography wouldn't be complete without mention of what is probably the greatest ballet film of all time, Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger's 1948 classic 'The Red Shoes'. As for flamenco, represented by one of Sachs' selections, many of the other films of Carlos Saura are likewise distinguished showcases for this art, such as the 1981 'Bodas de sangre'.

1 like, 1 dislike
Posted by Barry Moore on 05/21/2019 at 8:31 AM

Re: “Race to the bottom

Don't blame your failures on Rahm and Rich. It was your own family's lack of having any work ethic was the cause of your problems. Get a backbone and become someone.

3 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Jessica on 05/21/2019 at 7:11 AM

Re: “Rockwell Arts Building Open Studio

Fun event. Truly a great artist loft experience.

Posted by events2010 on 05/21/2019 at 3:47 AM

Re: “Rockwell Arts Building

markyee.com does a great job hosting artist events and showing art at affordable prices.

Posted by events2010 on 05/21/2019 at 3:46 AM

Re: “Let’s make a deal

". I recommend some study of what the policy is and how it's been used; Joravsky's history of writing on the subject is a good start."

Thanks, but I've already read I think all of Joravsky's articles about TIFs over at least the past decade and quite a few of them from prior to that as well. For the other perspective on TIFs I'd recommend you take a look at my comments on the subject: https://www.chicagoreader.com/chicago/Prof…

Posted by The original IAC on 05/21/2019 at 1:39 AM

Re: “Race to the bottom

And compared to what other major cities have done in the last 8 years, Rahm's recycling program is definitely worse than the blue bag. Right now Chicago may be the worst recycling city in the nation. At least blue bag, while a disaster, was forward thinking for its time.

Posted by robot on 05/21/2019 at 12:38 AM

Re: “Race to the bottom

Got to hand it to Ben, it's incredible how he and a few others managed to permanently brand Rahm with the myth that he took away free mental health services from poor people.

Ben and others always conveniently forget to mention that when Rahm closed 6 clinics, others took on more patients so that the total number of patients treated by the city's free mental health system before and after the closures was about the same.

And 99% of the patients who left the city's public mental health system after the closures transitioned to another covered mental health provider. So virtually no one actually lost services. And in 2018 the city was serving over 1,000 more patients at its free clinics than it did before the closures. None of that matters though. Ben's mental health misinformation campaign was a success and Rahm will be hearing about it for the rest of his life.

2 likes, 2 dislikes
Posted by robot on 05/21/2019 at 12:34 AM

Re: “Mima’s is where Cubs go for Cuban

Joe, are you unable to see the address at the upper right of this review? What platform and device are you using? I work at the Reader, so if there's some trouble with how this page displays under certain circumstances, I might be able to get it fixed.

Posted by Philip Montoro on 05/20/2019 at 8:46 PM

Re: “How to get rid of the local drug dealer

The ancient War on Drugs.
What that means is, law enforcement perpetuates it, because it keeps them with a job, as an army of informants w thousands of ppl who use amd sell dope. These dealers never get in trouble and they commit far worse felony crimes than the peeps you speake of hear

So call on the little guys and they go to jail and then the informant takes ovwr the drug business that you called on.

See?
Its exactly why drugs dont end.
A. Keeps law enforcement employed
B. Keeps addicts happy
C. Keeps the drugs and money at bay makes enforcing AND informing easy.
D. Illegal drugs never stop

BLAME YOUR LAW ENFORCEMENT

Posted by Nanny on 05/20/2019 at 5:41 PM

Re: “Race to the bottom

Rahm and Rich are da shitz! I love them!

3 likes, 1 dislike
Posted by Orion on 05/20/2019 at 4:39 PM

Re: “Black hockey players excel on ice despite history of racism, lack of rinks in Chicago

Hockey is probably the most expensive sport to have a kid participate in, so the family has to be at LEAST middle class. Given that nearly all the middle class black families have fled the city to live in suburbs with better schools, I'd like to see what the hockey numbers are in the South suburbs...

Posted by Tim Browne on 05/20/2019 at 2:25 PM