1,000 Years in Review | Year In Review | Chicago Reader

1,000 Years in Review 

Why wait for the millennium? Get nostalgic now and beat the rush!

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It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

Tang

medicinal bleeding

feudalism

the boom box

Cartesian dualism

phrenology

nationalism

turkey franks

"the conquest of nature"

the cold war

call waiting

papal infallibility

Most Tedious Social Movements

temperance

Luddites

the Grange

Huguenots

greasers

Best Song (Tie)

"Ode to Joy," Beethoven

"Get Off of My Cloud," Rolling Stones

Books

King James Bible

The Canterbury Tales

The Divine Comedy

Remembrance of Things Past

Moby Dick

Gravity's Rainbow

Most Stylish Invaders

Suleyman the Magnificent

William the Conqueror

Charlemagne

Napoleon Bonaparte

Teddy Roosevelt

Don't Invite to the Same Dinner Party

Wittgenstein/Andre the Giant

Leonardo da Vinci/Billy Martin

Oprah Winfrey/the Borgias

Worst Dressed

Emo Phillips

Genghis Khan

Queen Elizabeth I

Galileo Galilei

Cyndi Lauper

George Eliot

Most Underrated

Catherine the Great

James Garner

Most Overrated

Thomas Aquinas

Meryl Streep

Saints

Dominic Savio

Joan of Arc

Soren Kierkegaard

Sebastian ("the guy full o' arrows")

Francis of Assisi

Cantinflas

Mother Seton

Luis Bunuel

Hopeless Snots

the Crusaders

Oscar Wilde

Vlad the Impaler

Oliver Cromwell

Hanna-Barbera

the Carpenters

Coolest

Thelonious Monk

the troubadours

Gerard de Nerval

Dante's Virgil

Frida Kahlo

Geoffrey Chaucer

Thomas Jefferson

Samuel Beckett

George Eliot

Hunks

Montezuma

Rasputin

Casanova

Amerigo Vespucci

Taras Bulba

Lord Byron

Orson Welles

Pieces

Beatrice

Jean Arthur

Lady Godiva

Fanny Hill

Nastassja Kinski

Uptight

Ugo Tognazzi

Martin Luther

Steve Canyon

the Elephant Man

Ike Turner

Dumbest Fads

foot binding

tail fins

bearbaiting

self-flagellation

Dutch tulip mania

3-D

pistols at dawn

courtly love

the Roundheads

duck walking

capital punishment

Morgana the Kissing Bandit

leaping houses

ballistics

flood pants

Inventions

movable type

anesthesia

penicillin

automatic transmissions

ska

radar detectors

didgeridoo

badges

Hot

environmentally safe aerosols

spare brain

mudguards

Paula Abdul

extraterrestrial swinging

cheese fries

home acupuncture

struttin' with some barbecue

ninjas

Not

jousting

philology

habeas corpus

the muttonchop sideburn

spontaneous generation

Oldsmobile

chain smoking

Dom Perignon

prosthetics

The Same Guy

Leatherface (Texas Chainsaw Massacre III) = Sibelius

Malthus = Barbara Eden

the Black Knight of Augsburg = Joseph "Google Eyes" August

Lucrezia Borgia = Clarence "Frogman" Henry

Saladin = the Platters

Memphis Minnie = Tagore

Rosemary Clooney = Horace Walpole

Francois Villon = Vinnie Testaverde

Carry Nation = Lester Maddox

Nijinsky = Amos Milburn & His Chickenshackers

Hokusai = Kool Moe Dee

It's Not Too Late (Worth Consideration in the New Millennium)

the catapult

belles lettres

Brylcreem

falconry

muslin

ghosts

choral polyphony

pushpin-decorated rattan animals

spittoons

pantheism

moats

muskets

zeppelins

Nietzsche hugs a wagon horse

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