Matches blog | Chicago Reader

Monday, November 22, 2010

Simply Pathetic If I Call You Anymore

Posted By on 11.22.10 at 06:30 PM

You know what is just as exciting as watching paint dry? Watching people lose weight. Seriously, it is one of the most boring, most mind numbingly uninteresting things ever but 18.9 million people will tune into watch it. 3-4 million more would rather watch D-List (at best) celebrities learn how to dance which is pretty much the same as watching people who look like your neighbors try and fit into an old pair of jeans. The other weird thing is that people are voted off. The people who are losing weight for health, emotional, or whatever other personal reasons run the risk of being thrown off the show each week. So now we have overweight people stressing about whether or not they will have to go home. I don't know, I was under the impression that when people go to obesity camp they stay there until personal goals are met and the last thing they are allowed to do is go back to the lifestyle, which landed them at camp in the first place. I suppose you can get sucked into watching people shed pounds. You kinda start rooting for a person the same way you root for the paint to dry so you can set up the rest of the room. You start planning where you will put furniture, pictures, hang shelves, speakers, etc. The planning is actually pretty cool and once everything is set, you are happy with the outcome. I guess if you're rooting for a contestant and they get kicked off the show, you are then really mad at someone who already has issues (you dick!) so I take it back, watching paint dry is way better than watching people lose weight. Plus, with the painting, the whole concept and design is up to you and you are not relying on someone else for anything, so it's actually more rewarding, get a sense of accomplishment out of the whole task.

I'm thinking that if you were able to text the person on the other side of the screen or maybe call them before and after each challenge, they would know I support them and I've become somewhat of a coach or fan club member...some team player of sorts. Unfortunately, you can't get a hold of them and let them know that you really hope they pull through and keep at it. Instead you just sit there drinking soda while they are on the other side of the screen chewing gum and talking about how it taste like banana cream pie. There are people on screen losing weight while I am not really doing much to improve my health. I'm gaining calories while they are losing some so I guess it balances. It feels like watching animals or something, like maybe if this was on the Discovery Channel it wouldn't seem so weird. I find yourself staring and scratching my head trying to figure out when something awesome is going happen, like an alligator will come out of nowhere or a hawk with a bear trap for a mouth will fly by and mess stuff up. Anything to spice up the scene that is on the screen; it's just some people sweating and not really doing much. The other thing is it's kind of perverse, just sitting and staring while people starve themselves, they are on a gum diet for crying out loud. I mean it's great people want to be healthier and change themselves, if I were a personal trainer I could see why I would take an interest in watching the process but I am just a guy who is hanging out in my living room flipping through channels, got stuck on one for some reason, and found myself thinking about what color I would paint my living room if I were to actually paint it and wondering how long it would take to dry.

Anyway, you ever get really pointless texts and/ or phone calls?

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