Some of the 2,548 wittiest things anybody ever said | Bleader

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Some of the 2,548 wittiest things anybody ever said

Posted By on 04.19.12 at 06:33 AM

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If you say so . . .
  • If you say so . . .
So there's this new book coming out on May 1 from Touchstone titled The 2,548 Wittiest Things Anybody Ever Said. It's edited by Robert Byrne, who also edited The 2,548 Best Things Anybody Ever Said, so I guess he knows what he's talking about. (I don't have a copy of Best Things on hand, but surely there must be some crossover?)

Just leafing through the book, I think wittiest may be an overstatement. It could easily be cut down to 1,274.

But here's a semirandom sampling:

Eggheads! What do they know? —Homer Simpson

A penny urned is a penny saved. —Jerome Mannheim

I view the Internet not as an information highway but as an asylum filled with babbling loonies. —Mike Royko

Last night I played poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. —Steven Wright

I ink, therefore iamb. —Adrienne Gusoff

If you hold a cat by the tail, you learn things you cannot learn any other way. —Mark Twain

I don't remember if my first sexual experience was with a man or woman. I was too polite to ask. —Gore Vidal

I'd wish you luck, but for all I know you're planning to kill me. —Jackie Mason

I'm a paranoid in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. —J.D. Salinger

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