Mayor Emanuel goes to Iowa to become a Democrat | Bleader

Monday, November 21, 2011

Mayor Emanuel goes to Iowa to become a Democrat

Posted By on 11.21.11 at 05:52 PM

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Mayor Emanuel shlepped to Iowa over the weekend to fire up that state's Democrats at the Jefferson-Jackson Day Dinner in Des Moines.

He was the keynote speaker—and what a speech he gave, ripping into the Republicans, especially Mitt Romney.

Basically said they don't give a shit about the middle class, just want to clobber the "hard-working, middle-class families who pay the taxes."

Tell it like it is, Mr. Mayor! To hear him talk in Iowa, you'd think that he was ruling Chicago like a Democrat, as opposed to a younger, skinnier version of Newt Gingrich.

Reading the mayor's Iowa speech, I came to the conclusion that distance is the key to bringing out his inner Democrat. In other words, the farther he travels from Chicago, the more liberal he becomes.

Hey, it's just a theory . . .

By this measure, if he were to venture west in Iowa to, oh, Council Bluffs, he might give back the $8 million he took from the city's libraries.

And if he made it all the way into Nebraska, he'd take back the $7 million he's giving to a developer to build a grocery store in Greektown—across the street from the other grocery store in Greektown. The guy must love Greektown grocery stores.

And he could use that money to keep from closing the six neighborhood mental health clinics he's determined to close.

And if he made it through Omaha, he'd turn into a modern-day version of William Jennings Bryan and advocate jailing teachers for teaching evolution.

Oops, my bad—wrong part of Bryan's career. Though I think Mayor Emanuel wouldn't mind throwing a few teachers into jail, or at least their union leaders.

No, he'll become like the Bryan who railed against handouts to wealthy corporations, declaring: "There are two ideas of government. There are those who believe that if you just legislate to make the well-to-do prosperous, that their prosperity will leak through on those below. The Democratic idea has been that if you legislate to make the masses prosperous their prosperity will find its way up and through every class that rests upon it."

Now, that's telling it like it is!

My God, if Mayor Emanuel makes it to Lincoln, Nebraska, he might even take back the $15 million in TIF funds that he seems determined to throw to the Chicago Mercantile Exchange, speaking of wealthy corporations.

And if he makes it out of Nebraska? Man, he might cut back on that gargantuan water-sewer tax hike that's really going to put the squeeze on your average middle-class taxpayers. Poor ones, too — though I think he'll have to get all the way to California before he starts caring about them.

Of course, if he goes too far west, he'll wind up circling the globe, landing right back where he started.

Enjoy your water-sewer taxes, folks.

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