Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Mayors' first 100 days

Posted By on 08.23.11 at 02:15 PM

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  • Shelley Panzarella
Anita and Donald Mayor met with family members this morning to report on progress in the first 100 days of their marriage.

“We have made significant advancements in these 100 days, but we know there is always room for improvement,” the Mayors said in a statement they distributed to relatives. “Promises are merely promises—results are what we must deliver. The vows we made hold us accountable to each other, to our family, and especially to our parents, who paid for our wedding and are subsidizing our apartment and car.”

In a PowerPoint presentation, the Mayors offered charts and graphs documenting their vow performance thus far:

To have and to hold: Spooning, hugging, and hand-holding were all in the upper quartile for married couples, but they showed modest declines near the end of the period. The Mayors attributed the falloff to a growth in relationship security as opposed to a decline in affection. “We really were overdoing it there for awhile,” Donald said.

For better, for worse: Anita pointed to improvement on her part in accepting Donald’s “laissez faire” approach to laundry and dish washing, but said that more work here was needed. Donald had favored reducing the dish load by outsourcing cooking with a boost in carryout, but this had led to problems in the “for richer, for poorer” vow. Donald allowed that both partners had had to struggle to adjust to each other's shifting moods, “especially Anita’s.”

For richer, for poorer: After Anita’s temp job expired midway through the period, the couple froze all non-essential spending. This led to some “unavoidable” conflict over what was non-essential, the Mayors said, particularly in the clothing, cable TV, alcohol, and latte categories. Both spouses suggested that their partner had failed to disclose certain spending habits in the prenuptial transition report. Without a recovery in the broader economy, this vow category would likely continue to be “problematic,” the Mayors said.

In sickness and in health: Donald received high scores for the breakfasts he served Anita in bed—oatmeal, toast, and tea—the week of her cold. Anita, likewise, aced this vow with her exceptional compassion regarding Donald’s frequent hangovers. She stressed, however, that her patience was not boundless, and indicated that if the hangovers continued they could cause difficulty in the next quarter.

To love and to cherish: The quantity of conversations stayed above median throughout the 100 days, but the content was changing, with a drop in “personal history” and an increase in “TV and movie plots.” Sex was flat. Donald reported no outside temptations, and Anita “just twice on the el.”

“We enter our second 100 days with renewed confidence in our mission and in each other,” the Mayors assured their relatives. “We hope to build on our achievements. We know the honeymoon is over, and the hard work just beginning.”

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