"Snooki in Wonderland" | Bleader

Friday, March 4, 2011

"Snooki in Wonderland"

Posted By on 03.04.11 at 04:16 PM

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Local writer Phil Edwards has Kindle-ized a sort of mashup between MTV's Jersey Shore and Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.

Edwards says: "It's either the frontrunner for this year's Man Booker prize or the first sign of the apocalypse."

I've never seen Jersey Shore, but I've read Alice. And I've read the first chapter of Snooki in Wonderland. Man Booker Prize committee, take notice. Still, I'm keeping an eye out for strange lights in the sky.

Sample passage from Snooki in Wonderland:

"Snooki opened the door and found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw. How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains and those tanning opportunities, but she could not even get her head through the doorway; 'and even if my head would go through,' thought poor Snooki, 'it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how to begin.' For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately, that Snooki had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.

"There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, ('which certainly was not here before,' said Snooki,) and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words 'DRINK ME' beautifully printed on it in large letters.

"It was all very well to say 'Drink me,' but wise little Snooki was not going to do THAT in a hurry. 'No, I'll look first,' she said, 'and see whether it's marked "roofi" or not'; for she had read several nice little histories about guidettes who had got herpes simplex, and spent summers away from the Shore, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a guido with sores should not be kissed; and that if you wasted your time with a normal job, you would not spend summer upon the shore; and she had never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked 'roofi,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.
However, this bottle was NOT marked 'roofi,' so Snooki ventured to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of pickles, chicken cutlets, fried calamari, ham, pizza, and fine pasta,) she very soon finished it off."

Snooki in Wonderland is available as a 99-cent e-book at Amazon.

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