The Abstinence Hustle | Bleader

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Abstinence Hustle

Posted By on 05.18.10 at 04:55 PM

Sign up for our newsletters Subscribe

1. An Indiana family-values pimp laid pipe in state parks with a woman not his wife, and he's resigning. (Remember, kids: wait until you're old enough to cheat responsibly.) Video of him talking abstinence with his mistress is going around the Web; that sort of thing has always perplexed me, but if you look at it as pillow talk, it suddenly makes a lot more sense. You can almost feel the sexual tension.

2. Bristol Palin is available, at the low low price of between half and all my income per speech, to recommend not fucking before marriage. This is pretty low-hanging fruit of temptation, but my favorite part is that she cut her teeth as an abstinence spokesteen for the Candie's Foundation, brought to you by a company that makes Forever 21 look like Ann Taylor:

They're not down there trying to sniff your panties; they're trying to take your wallet.

Tags: , , , ,

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

More by Whet Moser

  • —30—

    A farewell, and some favorite pieces from the Reader.
    • Jan 14, 2011
  • The Very Political Life of Bill Daley

    Bill Daley: lifetime centrist
    • Jan 14, 2011
  • The Hidden Hands

    The Hidden Hands

    In every successful campaign—and every dud—pros are masterminding and organizing from offstage. Meet the people behind six mayoral candidates.
    • Jan 13, 2011
  • More »

Agenda Teaser

Music
September 22
Performing Arts
Communion Den Theatre
September 20

Tabbed Event Search

The Bleader Archive

Popular Stories