Dancing with the worst | Bleader

Monday, December 1, 2008

Dancing with the worst

Posted By on 12.01.08 at 09:08 PM

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Ah, it's 24 degrees outside and it's been dark since sometime around noon--obviously it's a perfect time for my trusty RSS feed to fetch me the most depressing thing imaginable: the Nightclub Dance Series' Sexy Moves for the Club and Girls Night Out instructional DVDs, via the dudes at the Turntable Lab blog.

Feast your eyes on the desperation:

The widespread uniformity of the moves that are apparently called "the body roll" and "the groovewalk" had me thinking for the longest time that people just learned them at the School of Being a Shitty Person--in between the tanning seminars and whatever class it is where they tell you it's OK to ask a DJ "can you play some good hip-hop" or grab his laptop and start pawing drunkenly to try to summon Britney Spears--but I guess some people need a DVD. Who knew?

There's also a Hip Hop Moves for the Club DVD for guys who want to be terrible too. Its sales pitch is a little different than the ladies' volumes in that it's specifically pitched as a way to get you some action. "At first, they were just grinding with each other," says one testimonial, "but then they gradually started to sandwich me between them and they all started grinding up on me." Rad, bro. Another one's entitled "

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