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See the rest of our (almost) romance-free ode to Valentine's Day.
Animal Attractions Breakfast Treat yourself to yogurt parfaits, breakfast burritos, and the company of live baby gorillas while learning about love from an endocrinologist's perspective. Sat 2/9, 9:30 AM, Lincoln Park Zoo, 2200 N. Cannon, 312-742-2000, lpzoo.org, $65-$75.
Chicago Gay Men's Chorus presents "Deep Love" A cheeky, romantic revue of cabaret and Broadway classics in honor of Valentine's Day. Thu 2/7, 8 PM, Drake Hotel, 140 E. Walton Pl., 312-787-2200, thedrakehotel.com, $35-$45.
Chicago Reader Anti-Valentine's Day Party Take aim at Cupid's tyranny with a musical performance by the Hood Internet, DJ sets by the people behind the monthly Slo 'Mo party, and a Fly Honeys dance-off—plus dating disaster stories and submissions from Salonathon's "Words From Our Loves, Words From Our Exes." Thu 2/14, 8 PM, Logan Square Auditorium, 2539 N. Kedzie, 773-252-6179 or 866-468-3401, lsachicago.com, $14.
ComedySportz Valentine's Weekend Celebration An evening of improv games specialized for couples celebrating Valentine's Day.Through 2/16: Thu 8 PM, Fri 8 and 10 PM, Sat 6, 8, and 10 PM, ComedySportz Theatre, 929 W. Belmont, 773-549-8080 or 312-559-1212, comedysportzchicago.com, $22-$24.
Dateless on Division: A Six Bar Valentine's Day Pub Crawl "Singles Awareness Day" is a hop (or six) away when you take advantage of food and drink specials at bars like the Hangge-Uppe, She-nannigans House of Beers, Original Mother's, Mother's Too, Lodge Tavern, and Bootleggers. Each location will offer special five-dollar drinks and free pizza. Thu 2/14, 9 PM, start at the corner of Division and State and head west toward sad and drunk.
Duets for My Valentine Chicago Dance Crash presents a showcase of hip-hop, contemporary, and ballet. Sat 2/9, 8 PM, Athenaeum Theatre, 2936 N. Southport, 773-935-6860, chicagodancecrash.com, $25-$30.
French With Me 3: Ménage à Trois Strangeloop Theater presents this performance of five original works from local playwrights, each centering on concepts of "love, lust, attraction, reaction, and affairs of the heart." Tue 2/12, 7 PM, Signal Ensemble Theatre, 1802 W. Berenice, 773-347-1350, strangelooptheatre.org, $20.
I Love You, I Think Monologists detail their embarrassing forays into the dating world. Part of Chicago Theatre Week. Through 2/23: Fri-Sat 8 PM, Tom Robinson Gallery, 2416 W. North, Chicago, 773-227-3144, $15.
Jesse Garon Presley & the Branson Family, Dead Native, Dana Lynn & the Dirty Creeps, Indiana Bandana Sweaty Elvis tunes and a whole lot more rock 'n' roll to drown out the deafening blare of Valentine's Day. Thu 2/14, 8 PM, Double Door, 1572 N. Milwaukee, 773-489-3160, doubledoor.com.
Let's Make Out!: Stories of Awkward Love 2nd Story hosts an evening of monologists sharing their most uncomfortable dating experiences. Lott Hill, Robyn Okrant, and Wyl VillacresSun-Mon 2/10-2/11, 7:30 PM, Webster's Wine Bar, 1480 W. Webster, 773-868-0608, websterwinebar.com, $15-$20.
Letters/X A cabaret performance inspired by real-life letters, e-mails, texts, and Facebook messages sent on Valentine's Day. Through 3/2: Thu-Sat 8 PM, Apollo Theater, 2540 N. Lincoln, 773-935-6100, apollochicago.com, $12-$15.
Love in the Time of Online Dating Street artist Don't Fret, a self-described "human from Chicago" (and the guy who illustrated much of this issue), presents new work inspired by courtship in the 21st century. Reception Fri 2/8, 7-10 PM. Through 2/27, Johalla Projects, 1821 W. Hubbard, firstname.lastname@example.org, johallaprojects.com.
Make Up Make Out DJ sets by Reuben Wu of Ladytron, Perfect Kiss, and Heaven Malone. RSVP online in advance. Thu 2/14, 9 PM, Beauty Bar, 1444 W. Chicago, 312-226-8828, thebeautybar.com/chicago.
Nerds at Heart Love Fest Nerds unite in this annual mixer of the hopelessly brainy and tragically quirky. Trivia included, of course. Thu 2/14, 7 PM, Rebel Bar, 3462 N. Clark, nerdsatheart.com, $30.
Pink Frost, Runnies, Touched by Ghoul, Melina Ausikaitis, Old Black & Blue Eyes, Gel Set (DJ set) Handlebar is locking its doors for the night so it can celebrate its ten-year anniversary at the Empty Bottle—featuring a musical lineup comprisingthe restaurant's staff. Thu 2/14, 8 PM, Empty Bottle, 1035 N. Western, 773-276-3600, emptybottle.com.
Valentine's Day Portraits Artists from Project Onward, a "studio and gallery dedicated to the creative growth of artists with mental and developmental disabilities," will be on hand to paint portraits of couples. Sat 2/9, 11 AM, Chicago Cultural Center, 78 E. Washington, 312-744-6630, projectonward.org, $20.
Valentine's Latin Dance Night A beginner-level, professionally taught rumba and salsa class with sparkling wine on the side. Thu 2/14, 6:30 and 9 PM, Ballroom Dance Chicago, 4043 N. Ravenswood, suite 105, 312-504-5866, ballroomdancechicago.com, $75 per couple.
Valentine's Day Wine and Chocolate PairingBucktown chocolatier Katherine Anne Confections joins forces with a West Loop wine behemoth. Thu 2/14 7 PM, City Winery, 1200 W. Randolph, 312-733-9463, citywinery.com, $65.
Vamos, Rabble Rabble A popular Logan Square late-night spot hosts what's sure to be a pleasant, booze-fueled nightmare of fun. Thu 2/14, 10 PM, the Owl, 2521 N. Milwaukee, 773-235-5300, owlbarchicago.com.
The Whistler's Prix Fixe Cocktail Menu Three cocktail courses and complimentary candlelight are up for grabs at one of two seatings at the mecca of craft cocktails (only 16 tickets available per seating). Thu 2/14, 6-8 PM and 9-11 PM, the Whistler, 2421 N. Milwaukee, 773-227-3530, whistlerchicago.com, $85 per couple.
White Mystery, Absolutely Not, Twin Peaks, Post Honeymoon A fine cast of rock 'n' roll locals has been called on to soundtrack the ninth annual Chris Saathoff Foundation benefit show. Thu 2/14, 9 PM, Schubas, 3159 N. Southport, 773-525-2508, schubas.com.