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I always thought those Dr. Seuss books were too hard to read anyway. Mike Myers, channeling Bert Lahr, stars as the six-foot feline with the candy-striped chapeau in producer Brian Grazer's noxious follow-up to his yuletide money machine How the Grinch Stole Christmas. The Cat in the Hat (1957), Theodor Geisel's classic early reader about two kids left home alone, ran only 1,620 words, but Grazer's writing team has filled up the 78-minute film with winking product placements, SNL-type goofs, PG gags premised on not quite cursing, and a lame subplot about a scuzzy lothario (Alec Baldwin) macking on the kids' mother. Bo Welch, the inspired production designer for Men in Black, makes his directing debut throwing color in all directions, but this pales next to the 1971 animation with Allan Sherman.

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