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Aspiring news anchor Audrey (Maria Pitillo) is the blond at one point of the romantic triangle in this overlong, neither funny nor scary movie about a big lizard playing Twister on Manhattan (1998). Vicki Lewis (the redhead from TV's NewsRadio) is an eminent researcher who hankers after Audrey's ex-boyfriend (Matthew Broderick), a biologist specializing in the effects of radiation; within minutes of meeting him she's inquired about his relationship status and offered her opinion of his looks—thumbs up. Guess who gets the guy? Everything else about this story, a descendant of the movie christened Gojira in Japan in 1954, is equally obvious. Like game-show viewers prompting sluggish contestants, the audience I saw the movie with called out the plot points in advance, gently deriding the clueless filmmakers. Director Roland Emmerich and cowriter Dean Devlin also collaborated on Independence Day.

Sorry there are no showtimes for Godzilla on Saturday, November 21.

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