Caught in the Net 

Captured at www.girlfriendstealer.com

From The Girlfriend Stealer's Homepage

What's So Great About Stealing Girlfriends?

For some people, stealing girlfriends is probably an ego-booster or a way to be cruel, hurtful, and selfish. These are unhealthy motives. The only reason you should steal girlfriends is because it's hilarious.

Finding a Girlfriend to Steal

It has been brought to my attention (of course it's never happened to me) that sometimes a girl will lie to a guy and tell him that she has a boyfriend as a "nice" way of rejecting him. This is very annoying for us and much time can be wasted on a girl before one realizes that she doesn't really have a boyfriend after all. Therefore, it is important to verify early on that the girl does in fact have a boyfriend.

If the girl has been seeing a guy for only a few months, they will probably be in what is referred to as the "honeymoon" stage. This is a very difficult time for us, as most girls will not even notice other guys. Good luck!

If the girl has been seeing the guy for over a year, the relationship will have probably fallen into a rut and she will be bored and looking for something new. This is the perfect situation for you to invest a little time and effort.

Making the First Move

I think it's best to start with a normal pickup attempt. It helps if you know the girl already has a boyfriend because you know in advance that you will be rejected and can therefore better concentrate on the task at hand. Talk the girl up, feed her lines, flirt, ask her out, give her your number--whatever the hell you normally do. Most likely, the girl will inform you politely that she has a boyfriend. You should tell her that's fine and that you'd just like to become friends. Switch the conversation to "friendly" things. Ask her about her boyfriend. This will make her much more comfortable with the situation and convince her that you are comfortable with the fact that she has a boyfriend. Better yet, you might want to actually meet her boyfriend.

The Steal

After you have been friends for some period of time--you'll have to play it by ear--it's time to make the move. In many cases, if you fail here you'll also lose the girl as a friend so make sure you know what you're doing. When you are alone together, flirt with her. If she is shy, alcohol will probably help. You might want to kiss her. In most circumstances, she will feel some confusion after a kiss. She may hit you and never speak to you again. If this happens, it's best to apologize and give up.

The Follow Through

Many girlfriend stealers are happy with a couple of nights of passion and others won't stop until the girl has broken up with her boyfriend. Actually forcing a breakup can be problematic because getting out of a long relationship can be a lengthy, torturous process. If you are not going for the breakup, a nice way to close would be to apologize to the girl and tell her that what you are doing is a mistake and that you should go back to being friends. Otherwise...

She's Mine, What Now?

If all has gone well, the girl no longer has a boyfriend which means she probably holds no more than a passing interest for us. It's up to you to decide what to do next. However, remember that if you stole her once, someone else could easily steal her from you.

Caught in the Net welcomes interesting flotsam culled by its readers. Send E-mail to netfishing@chicagoreader.com. There's a T-shirt in it for you if we print it.

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