
Hey, did you read:
• About "Why Food Stamp Use in Illinois Has Exploded"? —John Dunlevy
• That shootings cost each Chicago household an average of $2,500 a year? —Mick Dumke
• About the nine-year-old boy who ethered Rahm Emanuel earlier this week? —Tal Rosenberg
• That riots in the suburbs of Stockholm—prompted largely by poverty, youth unemployment, and police harassment—are now in their fifth day? —Kate Schmidt
• About the Reddit user who attempted to mock a Sikh woman's appearance and actually apologized? —Gwynedd Stuart
• About how BYU has one of the country's top computer-animation programs? —Aimee Levitt
• The Hollywood Reporter's profile of Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, which almost makes him seem pitiable? —Ben Sachs
What's on Saturday? Well, gritty Chicago street-rap duo L.E.P. Bogus Boys perform at Reggie's Rock Club, and charismatic young old-school soul band JC Brooks & the Uptown Sound play a release party at Mayne Stage for their new Bloodshot album, Howl.
On Sunday you could check out the eclectic Co-Prosperity Sphere concert that Gossip Wolf mentioned, with Calvin Johnson of Beat Happening, punk bands Distract and Warrior Tribes, and live electro from Hunter & Josh. Or you could get snazzed up and attend "The (Best) Prom You Never Had" at the Empty Bottle, which features Girl Group Chicago, Bobby Conn & the Pretty Flowers, and the Chances Dances DJs. And if that sounds too wholesome for you, I recommend the Butchershop Quartet at Township, playing their notorious rock-band arrangement of Stravinksy's The Rite of Spring to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the piece's premiere. There probably won't be a riot this time, but you never know.
Actually, I take back that rude thing I said before about Thursday. That's the night of my Chicago Craft Beer Week event at the Lincoln Park Binny's with beer manager Adam Vavrick. We're going to pair beers and songs! It's going to be ridiculous, and you should come.
And now on to the Soundboard picks:
"For the past few years Mavado has been in the same predicament that’s afflicted so many other dancehall superstars: he’s practically a demigod in Jamaica, but barely anyone in the U.S. knows who he is," writes Miles Raymer in Soundboard. Catch Mavado's set at the Shrine.
LGBTQ scholar Esther Newton appears alongside her partner, performance artist Holly Hughes, at the University of Chicago's Center for the Study of Gender and Sexuality. "Newton trained as an anthropologist and made her name with ethnographic studies of drag queens and of Cherry Grove, the village on Fire Island that became America's first queer town," writes Aimee Levitt.
At Old Town School of Folk Music, DanceWorks Chicago presents an informal showcase featuring work by choreographers including Paige Cunningham Calderella, Joshua Blake Carter, and Brandon DiCriscio.
For more on these events and others, check out the Reader's daily Agenda page.
Mostly, though, people have been talking about Jeppson's Malort, originally made in Chicago by Swedish immigrant Carl Jeppson and now manufactured in Florida but sold only in Chicago (and soon Wisconsin). Since New Year's, though, Letherbee Distillers has been making a Malort for the Violet Hour that, until now, has been available only at the bar. R. Franklin's Original Recipe Malort, named for Violet Hour beverage director Robbie Haynes (his middle name is Franklin), who developed the recipe in collaboration with Letherbee distiller Brent Engel, was released for retail sale this week.

The 25 plaintiffs, represented by Logan Square attorney Michael Jaskula, filed suit this month in circuit court against the throwaway's codistributors, the Tribune and Valassis Communications of Michigan. Jaskula told Tribune reporter Robert Channick, "Our neighborhood gets flooded with these damn papers every week. It's ridiculous it had to come to this, but we need to get their attention to stop the distribution of this thing to people who don't want it."
One of the plaintiffs is Jaskula's wife, Diane Stoneman.
I advise Jaskula not to call me as a witness. I'm afraid the story I have to tell would weaken his hand. No one is impressed by hotheads who try to win their battles in court when it turns out more genteel forums are available.
My naval experience is something I rarely talk about, or much care to think about, although the places I saw, the cast of characters I met, and the quasi-captivity I thought I was enduring constitute a trove of seed corn I've drawn from ever since. But it isn't pleasant to revisit immaturity. When I washed out of officers' school, the navy sent me out to the fleet to finish my hitch. I landed on the deck force of an ammunition ship, chipped paint for a few days, and then got a desk job shuffling papers in the office of the first lieutenant, the officer in charge of the deck force.
The belly of our ship, the USS Mauna Kea, bulged with bombs and missiles, all addressed Hanoi. I hadn't been on board long when I received a glamorous second assignment: they gave me a .45 and a clip and I stood four-hour watches at the entry to the "special weapons" hold. These were the weapons above and beyond. Only a small, elite group of crewmen could enter that hold under any circumstances, and I was to allow absolutely no one to go in alone. I understood "special weapons" to mean tactical atomic weapons, although I don't think anyone explicitly said so. Maybe I was guarding nothing more lethal than napalm.
Of course this isn't the case. Not because we aren't stupid, but because modern sitcoms—documentary and mockumentary-style sitcoms, in particular—came up with a new way to cue laughter in the living rooms of dullards nationwide: the furtive glance at the camera. Someone's being laughably goofy on The Office. How do I know? Jim just stared right through time and space and told me with his eyes. Isn't that weird? No, it's OK because the camera's supposed to be there. Why? WHO KNOWS AND STOP ASKING SO MANY FUCKING QUESTIONS.
(PS: There's a video of a scene from the Big Bang Theory without a laugh track, and it's a must-watch for anyone interested in what deeply, deeply unfunny looks like.)
The documentary-style sitcom is wearing out its welcome. I was very on board for Reno 911; I was a lot less on board by the time Parks and Rec came around (which isn't to say I didn't end up liking it). Practically the only person who could get away with a new doc/mock-style sitcom at this point is Christopher Guest, which works out great for him because he has a new doc/mock-style sitcom on HBO called Family Tree.
There's one category you won't find on the ballot. Like last year, we're asking you to vote for Chicago's Best Chicagoan to Follow on Twitter . . . on Twitter. Tweet your suggestions using the hashtag #boctwitterer. The deadline for that category is the same as the ballot, so tweet away!
Apropos of nothing, here's a 14-year-old girl owning Eddie Van Halen's solo on "Eruption."