Seriously?
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Seriously? The Internet News Shoenice put my phone number on YouTube
Posted by Luca Cimarusti on 01.17.13 at 07:32 AM
Somewhere along the way, I found myself fascinated with Shoenice. I am by no means proud of my love for Shoenice videos—I'll be the first to admit that watching a video of a middle-aged man sitting by himself and eating an entire birthday cake (including the burning candles) is more than just a little dark. So naturally I'm not proud to admit that when Shoenice posted his phone number to Facebook on Saturday morning, I immediately picked up my phone to call him. I got his voicemail, hung up, and didn't think anything else of it.
That is until I got a handful of blocked phone calls a few minutes later. I answered one, and it was from what sounded like a prepubescent boy telling me to fuck off. It was when I answered another to hear someone impersonating Shoenice's video introduction line ("Hey everyone, Shoenice again," as demonstrated in this video of him eating a dozen raw eggs, shells and all) that I started to realize I had made a huge mistake. Curiosity was about to kill the cat.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Seriously? Whoa News Reader exclusive: A Google chat with Kim Jong-un
Posted by Kate Schmidt on 01.09.13 at 02:19 PM
- Hello to the American middle west!
Yong-sun: OK, here is the dear leader.
me: Good morning, Mr. Marshal of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea.
Jong-un: Greetings, cousin of Eric.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Seriously? Shots Fired News Kim Jong-un to Richardson: Is Depardieu coming with?
Posted by Kate Schmidt on 01.07.13 at 09:45 AM
Depardieu, star of more than 150 feature films, is a tax refugee most recently embraced by Russian president Vladimir V. Putin, who conferred Russian citizenship on the chevalier of the legion d'honneur over the weekend. According to a Saturday BBC report, the governor of Mordovia, the Russian region best known for its gulags, is now wooing Depardieu with the promise of an apartment in provincial Saransk.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Seriously? Music Chief Keef's Finally Rich has a home at Northbrook Public Library
Posted by Leor Galil on 01.04.13 at 10:55 AM
While the prosecution couldn't make a case for Keef's alleged new residency, folks outside the courtroom had fun with the story. Early Wednesday morning Northbrook Public Library's Twitter account had a message about the MC's rumored new residence:
Welcome to the neighborhood @ChiefKeef! Northbrook is a wonderful community! We have your new album on order...
Monday, December 17, 2012
Seriously? The Internet Music World keeps turning, B-minus-list celebrities stay tacky
Posted by Miles Raymer on 12.17.12 at 01:10 PM
- Danny Mahoney/XS Nightclub
- Deadmau5 and Kat Von D
I'm kidding, of course. I had no idea that they were even dating until I clicked through a link to a Daily Mail article about a Kate Moss photo shoot and saw an item about the couple's brand-new engagement, which happened over the weekend via Twitter, that most romantic of social media networks, and there is high likelihood that you didn't either unless you are a chronic TMZ addict, which I really hope you're not because that's awful.
But I was glad that I ran across this particular gossip item. Things have been really grim recently, even for people who don't have seasonal affective disorder or find the holiday season to be oppressive on a number of distinct levels, as so many of us do. Normally we turn to comedians to distract us when things get unbearable, but sometimes the events unfolding around us are too huge and too horrible to laugh at directly, and the best thing that funny people can do is to respectfully step aside. And that is why it's such a blessing that we have famous stupid people living hilariously vapid lives very much in public, in real time, for us to enjoy and to laugh at without having to think too hard about whether or not it's appropriate.
Below, highlights of the epic romance between a guy who's famous for wearing a foam rubber mouse head and a woman who's famous for dating a Nazi-festishizing motorcycle mechanic who used to be married to a movie star.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Seriously? This Will Kill You Consumerism Week News Twenty years of Black Friday at Walmart, as told by my aunt
Posted by Kevin Warwick on 11.30.12 at 06:49 AM
- Brian Davies/AP
- Happy because they're not at Walmart?
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Seriously? Music 50 Cent drops by QVC to finish killing off his credibility
Posted by Miles Raymer on 11.14.12 at 04:29 PM
The hot shit in extramusical moneymaking in hip-hop at the moment is designer headphones, a synergistic cross-branding effort intended to separate rap fans from their money to the tune of around $300. Dr. Dre pioneered the form with his Beats by Dre line, and Ludacris, 50 Cent, and Chief Keef all have their own signature cans now.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Jumping Ship Seriously? Clout City Surrogate of insanely rich neighborhood developer casts it as savior in dumb article
Posted by Asher Klein on 10.24.12 at 05:04 PM
- Marc Monaghan
- The delicious Ribs 'N' Bibs, which may or may not contribute to the "blight" on 53rd Street.
Oh but don't take my word for it:
yes because hyde park should be more like palo alto
— pete beatty (@nocoastoffense) October 24, 2012
At least Hyde Park is getting a Longman and a Yusho.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Seriously? Politics Fifty shades of Rahm
Posted by Kate Schmidt on 10.16.12 at 03:31 PM
Deep under City Hall, in a triple-locked maintenance room, Harvey Blomberg put the early edition down on the makeup table. That'll serve Schnittman right, the schmuck. Strutting around like the cock of the walk ever since the goddamn triathlon. While that fucking prick was mugging for the photographers in that goddamn pink swim cap, he'd been about to bust his balls in the cycling leg. Fuck.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Seriously? Whoa Music Rancid to offer 2012's most ridiculous reissue set
Posted by Miles Raymer on 10.08.12 at 04:37 PM
Rancid fans who don't want to lay out the presumably ridiculous amount of money the entire set will cost—pricing info hasn't been released yet—but who still want the experience of listening to an entire album-length recording while turning over the record every two songs can purchase individual albums as multisingle sets. For a more a la carte experience, or in case you're a truly maniacal completist, each of the set's 46 singles will be available as a stand-alone 45 pressed on virgin black vinyl.
Preorders begin tomorrow, and while this is obviously the most ridiculous thing ever, if someone picked me up a copy I wouldn't be mad at it. Xmas is just around the corner, you know.
