EXT: TRAIN TRACKS — DAY Villain stands in front of damsel tied to railroad tracks, train oncoming. Music swells. VILLAIN (twirling mustache): I don't know what I'd do without Merle's Mustache Wax by Beefcake Handmade Grooming. Hahahaha!
$10, Broken Cherry Boutique, 1734 W. North, and other Chicago stores, cheesecakehandmadebeauty.com.
If you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, imagine how many you'll catch with this honey mustard from the Chicago Honey Co-op. $6, Chicago's Downtown Farmstand, 66 E. Randolph, chicagohoneycoop.com
Deliver the year's most coveted invitation with these letterpress-printed, vintage invites, printed by hand in Chicago from Steel Petal Press and made with 100 percent recycled cotton rag paper. $4.50, etsy.com/people/steelpetalpress or at Wolfbait and B-Girls, 3131 W. Logan, 312-698-8685, wolfbaitchicago.com.
A moment of silence, please, as we take this time to remember our rodent friends who lost their lives crossing Lake Shore Drive. Honor their memory with this soap, cast from a raccoon skull and made from goat's milk, complete with its own concrete pedestal. $8, Sarah and Joseph Belknap, etsy.com/people/iamhome.
If I had my way, everyone would know that these earrings made from bullets and feathers by Cities in Dust are a warning to the band behind the awful "Hotel California." $38, available at Post 27, 1819 W. Grand, and other Chicago stores, etsy.com/people/citiesindustinc.
Featured this week on Local Wares, the Reader's column listing cool stuff made by Chicagoans, was a necklace by Stevie Koerner. Pretty, stylish, and most importantly a show of loyalty to a great state, the heart Illinois necklace (pictured) is one of a number of metal necklaces of heart-inscribed states Koerner sells under the line tru.che.
If allegations Koerner made Wednesday prove true, and the Webiscite (that's Web+plebiscite) is voting in her favor so far, then it might turn out buying a necklace from Urban Outfitters is a pretty unstylish thing to do.
Moms, avert your eyes. The Cereal Killer is even less healthy than cereal with chocolate milk—it's a cereal-covered bon bon molded on a plastic spoon for your convenience, by Brass Knuckle Bon Bons. Your call. $3 for 5, etsy.com/people/brassknucklebonbons.
Adopting living animals is a good deed and all, but adopting your own piece of meat can be equally rewarding. Believe it or not, Old Town Social's Adopt a Prosciutto program allows you to reserve a 15-pound leg of pork, and the gastropub's charcuterie team will select one in-person from Illinois's Triple S Farms. Then they'll send you updates as your hulking hock hangs in a drying room to cure. $260, Old Town Social, 455 W. North, firstname.lastname@example.org.
To kick off our new column that features the best stuff you can buy from Chicago's artists, artisans, and crafters, we've got a triple whammy. For its 20th birthday, Quimby's Books commissioned a blueprint of the Quimby's sign that hangs in front of the store from comics ace Chris Ware. Plus, the prints were done by Skokie screen-printing outfit The Bird Machine, so you're supporting three different Chicago institutions at once. Get 'em while you can; only 500 were printed. $50, $100 for a print signed by Ware, 1854 W. North, quimbys.com.