Following the Game of Thrones finale, fellow fan Kevin Warwick and I got into the spirit of season three and killed off some more major players via Gchat. Also, we did not read the books, and, yes, there are spoilers below.
Gwynedd Stuart: So, we watched the finale. Which remaining characters/storylines are you most interested in?
Kevin Warwick: Anything happening at King's Landing. The Tywin takeover at the small council was so intense.
G: Seeing Joffrey put in his place is very satisfying. Like, erotically so.
K: I LOVE Tywin! I want him to do my taxes. But that was a truly great scene and further indication that Joffrey doesn’t control shit.
G: I love Tywin because he was Sardo Numspa in The Golden Child.
K: That is the best reason to love him.
G: I think so.
K: Let's have a moment with Shae. Take those diamonds, gurl.
G: She needs to do something. Besides follow Tyrion and Sansa around and glower all day.
K: I mean, she's just biding her time until she gets killed.
G: So, who else's death do you think is imminent next season? Back to "Red Wedding" [the season's infamous ninth episode], we all sensed Robb's days were numbered, I think.
K: Am I dense to say I didn't?
G: Am I smug to say I did? And what is the Hound going to do with Arya now?
K: There's a bond forming there. Obviously. What with Arya getting all stabby.
G: I know, it's very sweet. I like her as a murderer. The Hound does too, I'm sure.
K: It was a playful scene. "Next time, if you're going to do that, tell me first." LOL
G: I find the Hound attractive.
[Kevin laughs aloud at his desk.]
G: Shut up.
K: I've grown to appreciate the Davos and Stannis storyline. I can't believe I just typed that. I mean, Melisandre can take a hike. Davos is so sweet, though. A good man. Stannis loves him so.
G: Aw, poor Davos couldn't read. Now he's the #1 reader of scrolls.
K: He couldn't! The dragon child helped!
G: SPEAKING OF DRAGON CHILDREN . . .
K: OK, crowd surfing aside: the final scene.
G: I'd say it was overwrought. But c'maaaan. It's Game of Thrones. It's made of dragons. The music and crowd surfing made me laugh, though.
K: It's important to point out my undying love for Daenerys. Still, I laughed.
G: You know who can die? Ser Jorah.
K: Take it back!
G: My boyfriend calls him "King Solomon's Mines." Because he looks like Richard Chamberlain.
K: Jorah and his gazes of aching discomfort make scenes for me.
G: What does Daenerys do with all those slaves now?
K: After the episode my friend made a map on his hand, like all those weirdos do with Michigan. Daenarys and her army of worthless slaves are far the fuck away. They'll all die of starvation.
K: Dragon food. Who haven't we talked about? Ah. Jon Snow. And his emo face.
G: Aw. Ygritte's so rude.
K: You knew she would do that, though, right?
G: Yes. He's fine though, right? Like, he'll live. (Also, Jon Snow is FINE.)
K: I think so. Yeah, he's living. I suspect he'll be the one to eventually lead the North. As long as he kills Sam. I vote for Sam to die!
K: Gwynedd, he's the worst. He deserves his own sitcom, with a laugh track.
G: If Theon had his own sitcom it would be called Hangin' With Theon. He's been on a cross for so much of the season.
K: Poor Theon. Reek.
G: That scene was very Kunta Kinte-Toby from Roots.
K: I actually thought one of the more inspiring moments of the episode is when his older sister had a moment and proclaimed to their father that she was going to rescue her little brother. I mean for a storyline that's been incredibly frustrating, that was a fine way to end it. Oh yeah, his wiener's gone.
G: I LOVED the episode when he was "rescued" and then brought right back to the dungeon. It made my heart sink. Very effective, I thought.
K: Poor Theon. I say that over and over throughout the episodes. I feel sorry for the character AND the actor, because no one cares about his character. I care, Theon!
G: So, you think the next season kicks off with Joffrey's wedding?
K: That would be ideal.
G: I like his bride. I like his bride's grandma, too. She's the Dowager Countess of Game of Thrones. Very Maggie Smith.
K: So true.
G: And Daenerys?
K: I want her to dominate and for Jon Snow, Theon, Hordor, and Jorah to all move into the castle together. Tyrion and Sansa will have children. Jaime will marry Brienne and pal around with everyone. And Sam will be the jester. Also, I want Arya to marry the Hound.
G: Me too!
K: I knew it!