Thursday, May 10, 2012

Reader grabbed in multimillion-dollar deal

Posted By on 05.10.12 at 01:57 PM

Exclusive home of the Chicago Reader, with its famous
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  • Exclusive home of the Chicago Reader, with its famous "R" for rich
This is how the stories should have been headlined. But although it's really none of its business, Crain's Chicago Business went ahead and revealed that there aren't a whole mess of multis in the deal.

Wrapports LLC, the parent of the Chicago Sun-Times, is the buyer, which means my colleagues and I will get a chance to become real Wrapporters.

But, c'mon—just $3 million? If we'd have known that's all it would take, we'd have passed the hat in the office and bought the paper ourselves. The mayor's probably wishing he'd dipped into TIF and acquired us just so he could muzzle Joravsky.

We're apparently worth what Weight Watchers is paying Jessica Simpson to drop some postpregnancy pounds. Sixty-year-old Harold Gibson of Waukegan could have snagged us with the $3 million he won in the Illinois Lottery last month. Instead he bought a house with a swimming pool, even though swimming is overrated.

Jennifer Hudson's plans to buy a six-bedroom mansion in Burr Ridge for nearly $3 million recently fell through. The house had seven bathrooms, a music room with a grand piano, and a "luxurious kitchen space."

She missed her chance for a storied alternative weekly, which comes with a fridge stuffed with carryout leftovers.

Speaking of food, isn't the Reader worth more than 400,000 four million White Castle sliders?

Adam Dunn couldn't have hit less last year with a rolled-up Reader. Aren't we worth more than one-fourth of what he got?

Not that our pride's hurt, but it's the principle of the thing. Or, principal. I'm telling my friends we went for 12 million, and leaving out "quarters."

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