Tuesday, April 3, 2012

A duck walks into a Republican

Posted By on 04.03.12 at 07:48 AM

Voters stream to the polls in the Wisconsin primary
  • sweet_redbird
  • Voters stream to the polls in the Wisconsin primary
(The first in a series of Oulipian twists this week on a classic joke. First read the template duck joke on our, uh, website. You'll also find guidelines there for offering your own Oulipian version of the story, which could win you a memorable prize.)

A duck walks into a bar, hops up on the stool, asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, Rick Perry, says, "Hey, sure, pardner! We got two kinds: one's got seeds, and—oh, hell, what's the other kind again?"

Next day the duck returns, hops up on a stool, asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, Newt Gingrich, says, "I am appalled that you would ask that question."

The duck comes back again the next day, hops up on the stool, asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, Ron Paul, says, "The reason you have to ask me for grapes is because the Federal Duck Reserve is totally out of control."

Next day the duck returns, hops up on the stool, asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, Mitt Romney, says, "I may have a coupla billion here and there, but I've made all the disclosures I'm gonna make."

Next day the duck returns, hops up on the stool, asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender, Rick Santorum, says, "I believe every American duck should have access to high-quality, affordable grapes, with grape choices made by individual ducks, not government bureaucrat ducks, the way those choices are being made under Romneygrape and will be made under Obamagrape. I also believe we need to cut taxes on hardworking ducks, and that every duckling's life is precious, and that ducklings should be pond-schooled, and I'll fight for a constitutional amendment limiting marriage to a duck and a drake, and..." The duck says, "Got any nails?" Santorum gives him a handful, and the duck nails Santorum's beak to the bar.

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