Friday, March 23, 2012

Fantasy redirect . . . and fail

Posted By on 03.23.12 at 07:26 AM

My pit stains are typically less green
After rereading my Mudville column "Fantasy Hell" from a couple weeks back and realizing that I sound like a paranoid, obsessive crackpot who may or may not end up resembling Johnny Sampson's incredible illustration (see left), I consciously decided to reel it in a bit for this year's fantasy baseball draft, take a few deep breaths, and chill the fuck out. I admit that I'm a tad high-strung to begin with, but that "intensity" should never reach the point where I'm rupturing blood vessels by stressing over a free fantasy baseball draft.

So when I sat down with my laptop around 7 PM last night for my draft, there were no piles of Rotoworld printouts in sight, and I hadn't studied any fantasy-analyst babble for days. (I will admit, however, that I did have about eight separate Bleacher Report tabs open, but old habits die hard.) Though some freakout was alleviated—I even distracted myself by making dinner during the draft (unheard of!)—I still managed to draft a pretty crappy team. Or maybe what I mean is that I still managed to draft a team that looks good on paper but will invariably screw the pooch. It's just nice to know I'm consistent, regardless of approach.

At some point in the tenth or 11th round, I remember typing in the draft page's live chat room, "I already hate my team." And I meant it.

Here are a few of the Adam Dunn Slob Gut draft highlights from last night:

Round one: Tim Lincecum's contact-buzzed fastballs
Round four: Jason Heyward's still-yet-to-be-realized hitting prowess
Round six: Starlin Castro's inevitable Cubs-fated decline
Round ten: Jonathan Papelbon's obnoxious batter stare-down (I wanted Papelbon like I wanted a sharp stick in the eye, by the way)
Round 11: Ubaldo Jimenez's very questionable 2011 stat blowup
Round 13: Buster Posey's healed left leg and repaired ankle ligaments
Round 18: Jeff Francoeur's whiffing
Round 20: Bryce Harper's mega-prospect pressure

Blargh.

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