Thursday, January 5, 2012
The Reefer / Politics / Clout City Have I ever loved Republicans? Why, sure I have!
Posted by Ben Joravsky on 01.05.12 at 04:00 PM
- Library of Congress/Wikimedia Commons
- Honest Abe
I do not—repeat, do not—hate all Republicans, as a few readers have alleged.
Oh my God, that is, like, soooo not true.
As a matter of fact, there is not enough space on this whole Internet for me to list all of the Republicans I love. And to prove my point, I will take some time to identify a small sampling of that list.
So here goes . . .
Get ready . . .
Coming right up . . .
Just give me a minute to sort through all the names. . .
Starting with . . .
Abraham Lincoln! Though, now that I think about it, he'd probably be a Democrat if he were alive today. At least, he certainly would have been clobbered in Tuesday's Iowa caucus, on account of that whole state's right thing.
And then there's, ugh, uhm, oh . . .
Illinois's very own Senator Charles Percy—may he rest in peace. I actually voted for him back in 1978!
Though, he would have probably come in last in Iowa, splitting the state's 745 left-of-Generalissimo Francisco Franco voters that Jon Huntsman got.
On the local front, there's Alderman John Hoellen—a great City Council maverick. We sure could use one of his kind today.
Speaking of mavericks . . .
As politically incorrect as this may seem—I've always had a soft spot in my heart for former County Board commissioner Tony Peraica, even if he did go AWOL on that long-ago TIF vote that only I remember.
That's the one where the county board was gearing up to put the TIF-tax-take on your property tax bill, so you would know how much of your tax the TIFs were taking.
As opposed to our current tax bill, which conveniently lies and tells you that the TIFs take nothing, so you're fooled into thinking a lot more of your tax dollars goes to stuff like parks and education than is actually the case.
Of course, Forrest Claypool—the saint of the north lakefront—was also AWOL on that vote. So you might say that when it comes to local politics there's not a dime's worth of difference between Republicans and Democrats.
To quote George Wallace. Now there's a politician who would have done really well in the Iowa caucus.
But back to my list . . .
There's the great Sammy Davis Jr.—by far the most talented of the Rat Pack. (Don't even bother writing in, Sinatra fans—you know it's true.)
And while we're on the subject . . .
I think that everyone—Republicans and Democrats alike—will agree that Don Rickles's routine at the Sammy Davis Jr. roast is one of those great comic bits that stands the test of time.
Hold it, hold it—got to listen to that bit one more time! Oh my goodness, is that shit funny. I don't know if Rickles is a Republican, but if he is, put him on the list.
And, ugh, well, that just about does it for the moment.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait . . .
There's Rickie!
Who's Rickie? He's this super nice guy who bowls on the High Rollers. As you might suspect from the subtle play on words in his team's name, Rickie falls within the category of Republicans who—oh, how to put this?—enjoys a taste of cannabis from time to time.
Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Apparently, these reefer-head Republicans subscribe to the view that there's nothing wrong with our drug laws so long as only black people get arrested for breaking them.
Which is a view shared by many reefer-head Democrats. Well, at least the white ones. Black reefer-head Democrats have a different opinion, especially the ones getting busted.
Not sure how black reefer-head Republicans feel about this. Remind me to ask Herman Cain the next time he's in town. Not that he's a reefer head . . .
Well, anyway, there are many more Republicans I could add to this list, but my wife's calling. Gotta go to dinner. I'll get back to you later.
Comments (10)
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You seem to forget that Percy turned into something of an anti-Semite in his later years.
I know people will claim he was only anti-Israel, but after he was defeated by Paul Simon, Percy became the head of a bullshit Arab-American friendship group, one that was solely created for him, that apparently was payback for his anti-Israel votes & policies.
Then there was his opposition to the Sanitary District's Deep Tunnel project.
Now we can debate the merits of Deep Tunnel, but at the time Percy was in the Senate, the federal government was paying for approximately 2/3rds of the Deep Tunnel.
Exactly when can anyone name a US Senator oppose hundreds of millions of federal money being spent in his own state?
The answer is always the same -- Never!
And just today I read that DC is planning to dig it's own version of Deep Tunnel. So it looks like the Sanitary District's plan has been copied.
Teddy Roosevelt, too...although, like Lincoln, he'd almost CERTAINLY be a Dem today...
It's true that some of the best Republicans of days past would no longer be welcome in their party. Susan Catania, Elroy Sandquist, Art Telscer, and other GOP legislators from the era when we still had cumulative voting were absolute champions of social justice and government reform. But there have been recent ones as well. How about Beth Coulson, Rosemary Mulligan, the late Mark Beaubien?
I also like Jim Edgar, Judy Baar Topinka, and one of the most ethical public servants ever - Steve Rauschenberger. Christine Radogno has moved to the right as the years go on, but she's still a conscientious, compassionate, and reform-minded Republican leader. Even Tom Cross, despite his conservative positions on social issues, is a leader on the issue of government and election reform.
There are good Republicans out there; unfortunately most of the best can't get elected with the right-wing lunatics running the party and those that do manage to get elected have to play along a bit to continue in office. But if good government advocates would give up their slavish devotion to a Democratic party that promotes government corruption in Chicago and Illinois, and work in common with the GOP to achieve reform, we'll find Republicans we can like and respect.
Not to mention Alan K. Simpson, who's making a post-retirement career out of lambasting his former colleagues on-camera for being budgetary pussies, and who doesn't want to hear about pro-life this or pro-family that.
Not to mention Knuckles Specter. Yeah, he had a long career with all kinds of stuff in it, and yeah, he switched at the end, but here's a guy who'll get up fresh from chemo, show up at work looking like a corpse, and do it all to make sure Cheney got the Fuck You required. Also a huge NIH supporter and a supporter of women's health funding, including clinical trials that said something about how drugs etc. affected women, not just 20something healthy men.
And Jim Leach (yes, I'll argue with you about Gramm-Leach-Bliley; their hand was forced by Europeans over whom they had no control, not American banks), often unintelligible but always a protector of process and the institution. No mean feat in the days of Newt and what followed. One of the last of the Rocky Republicans, voted often against his party (without vote-counting first), and spoke in eloquent, geopolitically insightful, and doomed fashion against the war in Iraq.
*You don't dig Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins?*
Not a big difference between them and Jim DeMint on a practical basis nowadays. Susan Collins is the one in particular that they trot out to present the latest propaganda line nowadays.
*Not to mention Alan K. Simpson, who's making a post-retirement career out of lambasting his former colleagues on-camera for being budgetary pussies, and who doesn't want to hear about pro-life this or pro-family that.*
Pity that he helped put Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court, even if he does take a bold stance on "pussies."
*Not to mention Knuckles Specter. Yeah, he had a long career with all kinds of stuff in it, and yeah, he switched at the end, but here's a guy who'll get up fresh from chemo, show up at work looking like a corpse, and do it all to make sure Cheney got the Fuck You required.*
I'm glad that the Democratic voters of Pennsylvania gave that turncoat the Fuck You that he deserved.
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