Sunday, August 7, 2011

How to . . . appear intelligent

Posted By on 08.07.11 at 02:02 PM

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You never know when you’ll need to seem smarter than you really are—at a cocktail party, calculating a tip, participating in a casual political debate. But there’s no reason to spend valuable time educating yourself when you can easily fake it by following these useful tips.

1 Learn new vocabulary. Being able to use long, complicated words (that you couldn’t spell if your life depended on it) helps pretty much anyone look smart. Make sure they’re so esoteric that it doesn’t matter whether you use them right because no one will know the difference.

2 Carry a pocket watch. There’s something about not needing a wrist strap that says, “I’m upper-class and don’t need convention.” Plus, whipping that baby out of your inside pocket makes you look busy and important.

3 If you sense you’re about to get in over your head in a conversation, act like you’re too good to participate at all. Does it make you an asshole? Sure. But you’re already carrying a pocket watch, bud—don’t stop now!

4 Bring up controversial current events to spark an argument. People will only remember who brought the topic up, not whether you contributed to the discussion.

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